Podcast Recommendations

If you enjoy being entertained by your ears only, welcome! I do too! At my current job, I'm able to listen to music or podcasts between phone calls. I almost never listen to music. For some reason, music is more distracting than podcasts. I'm probably a newbie when it comes to Podcasts, but I thought that I would share what podcasts I've listened to and continue to listen to that I think are worth sharing.

//Pop Culture Happy Hour
This was the podcast that started it all. My sister mentioned it a few years back and I would listen to it on my drives to and from Wangsgards. One time it was what kept me awake on the long drive to Ephraim.

This podcast is just what it sounds like. Each hour long episode features some pop culture related subject. Nobody is drinking, but they might as well be as Linda Holmes, Stephen Thompson, and Glen Weldon and their ever-changing guests talk about a little bit of everything and anything. If you are looking for a well-organized and professionally produced podcast that talks about a broad range of pop culture subjects, this is the podcast you are looking for. They review the most up-to-date films in theaters, they attend film and music festivals. Stephen Thompson will tell you about anything old-school video games or Simpsons related. Linda Holmes will make up games for her fellow hosts to play which Glen is allows very good at.

Linda, Stephen and Glen at a live show.

If you start from the beginning, you will also be introduced to a previous host Trey Graham who was an expert on operas and rather unknown, foreign and unappreciated films. He has now moved on to another phase in his life, but we love him still the same.

//Welcome to Nightvale
I've known about this podcast for a long a time, but I didn't get into it until my best friend Ky, told me to listen to it.

Twice a month, tune your radio to the small town of Nightvale's community radio station with their infamous host Cecil Palmer. His voice is unforgettably present as he updates you on all of the strange happenings in Nightvale. Become acquainted with The Sheriff's Secret Police, expendable interns, dark hooded figures, the faceless Old Woman and the beautiful scientist Carlos and his perfect hair. Become involved in cultural events like Street Cleaning Day and The Summer Reading Program and find out who survives, and who doesn't. And of course, enjoy the weather report which is really just a musical number by an undiscovered musical artist.

This podcast is dark, humorous, and sometimes a bit eerie, but it is thoroughly entertaining and grips you both in the heart and the mind. It can be suspenseful, it can be hilarious and it can be tender. I've found myself laughing aloud when Cecil breaks away from the news to interject a personal opinion and then suddenly gripping my steering wheel wondering what is going to happen next (Just wait until you get to the Sandstorm). There is a reason why this podcast has been on air since 2012, it's a timeless and one-of-a-kind tale.

Cecil Baldwin playing Cecil Gershwin Palmer

I've been to a live show of this podcast and it was one of the best things I've ever seen live. Cecil in real life was incredible. Totally unregrettable.

In case you didn't realize, this podcast is totally real.

//Lore
Listen to the calming voice of Aaron Mahnke as he weaves a tale of frightening bits of our History. Learn about different vampires that have supposedly existed in world history, about haunted cemeteries, demons that roam the land and unnatural phenomenons that have occurred in the U.S. and beyond. This is a mixture of history and the supernatural. One episode you can learn about survivors of freezing conditions in Maine and then suddenly the next episode you'll learn about the evil trickster fairies that live on Greenland. If you can't handle the murky and dark bits of stories, this podcast is not for you. But if you enjoy the idea of "what if this were real?" and the thrill of hearing such dark tales, then please, give this podcast a try.

The face of the gentle voice of Aaron Mahnke

I actually sometimes listen to this story when I go to bed. Aaron's voice is so gentle and soft, I fall asleep easily to it. Thankfully, I haven't had any nightmares because of it yet.

Is this podcast fiction or non-fiction? No one really knows...

//Plumbing the Deathstar
Warning: this podcast is explicit. Imagine three immature adult New Zealander Men - Joel, Joel and Jackson - talking about various bits of pop culture; mainly comic books, Star Wars, and Video Games. They ask important questions like Why is Hyrule so Easy to Conquer?, Why Hasn't Hogwarts been Shut Down?, Is Everyone Okay with the Truman Show? and Are Muppets Second Class Citizens?

This podcast is rowdy, irreverent, crude, but so hilariously zany. I can't stop myself from playing the next episode even though I feel a rush of guilt for listening to something so crude and terrible. I probably love this podcast more than a good Mormon girl like myself should.

If you don't mind the language and the eye-rolling man's sense of humor. Give this podcast a try.

//Spilled Milk
If you like food, this podcast is literally just about food. Hosts Matthew Amster-Burton and Molly Wizenberg talk begin each podcast with a food-related subject and then they just run with it. Subject like Winter Squash, Romantic Food, Scary Food and Muffins. Sometimes they'll make food, sometimes they'll eat food.

Molly and Matthew

It's another one-of-a-kind podcast that has easily become one of my favourites. It's light, it's funny, and it's about food. What's not to like?

//My Favorite Murder
Warning: This podcast is explicit. Two women talk about their favorite obsession: murder. Every week, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark talk about their favorite solved or unsolved murders that have happened throughout history. It's chillingly dark, and it makes you as paranoid as snot, but it's incredibly entertaining at the same time. It's a comedy podcast thanks to Karen and Georgia's quips and remarks (which unfortunately include some sort of expletive), but it's also very informing and intriguing. If you like true crime or the suspense of unsolved murders, if you wonder to yourself, "Who could do this?" or "whodunnit?" this podcast is totally what you are looking for. It boggles my mind that there are so many stories of murders and while it is heart wrenching to face the harsh reality of what that means, I think it makes the questions all the more urgent to ask: how and why did this happen? And what would drive someone to commit such a crime?

Georgia and Karen

There are so many unsolved mysteries in the world and they intrigue me so much. Who knew murder could be so fascinating?

//You Must Remember This
Karina Longworth gives a weekly story about the secret or forgotten tales of 20th Century Hollywood. They can be methodical, they can be informative, they can be dark or disheartening. They can be all of they above. If you love the Golden Age of Hollywood and learning about obscure bits about that era, listen to this podcast. You'll learn about the most unappreciated record of Frank Sinatra, the tragic tale of Judy Garland and controversy revolved around Charlie Chaplin's most successful film.

Karina Longworth

This is a richly informative, professionally produced and heavily researched podcast and is mighty in its rich storytelling.

To My Future Roommate

I have had many people approach me recently telling me that they want me as their roommate. Some I think are said more out of politeness, but others genuinely want me to live with them. And that both amuses and terrifies me.

I've contemplated moving out, but I also just feel so silly when I get free rent, free food and a family who knows all of my quirks and roller coaster emotions and are able deal with me on a day to day basis. My friends know I'm a kook with an absurd sense of humor, they know I'm quirky, but I still wonder......do they really know?

So I thought I would make this easy for all of you interested in becoming my roommate, I have compiled a 100% honest - 0% exaggeration list of all of the things you probably should know before you think you can handle living with me.

I've even texted a few of my close friends and asked them for my bad habits, the truth hurts sometimes.

<< Book Hoarder>>
Let's just get this first thing off of my chest. I hoard, inhale, and absorb books like they were made of candy. Would you like to know just how many books I own? Actually...I would like to know too. Hold up a moment while I go count my books. (Chaotic scrambling and counting for 5 minutes). I own 446 books! I have so many books that I have stacks hiding in my closet!

I also have to confess that I collect duplicate books. It drives my mother nuts. I own two copies of the entire Tiger's Curse series by Colleen Houck (one in hardback, one in paperback), I own multiple editions of Avalon Web of Magic series by Rachel Roberts. And I own multiple editions of any Tolkien Book I can get my hands on. I currently own four different copies of the Two Towers. Apparently that's the first one to go when people sell their Tolkien books? I can't quite comprehend how someone could ever separate The Lord of the Rings apart like that, but I hope to someday reunite them.


<<Cleaning at Unsightly Hours>>
Dear future roommate: you should know that I have a tendency to do deep cleaning....at 11 at night or later. And once I get on a cleaning spree at night I don't usually stop until maybe 2 or even 3 in the morning to finish the darn thing.

Don't think that I don't let my room a bit cluttered, because I totally do, but then my brain reminds as I settle into my bed that I've left a mess about me.

"Kenra..." It says. "Kenra did you forget that you left your closet door open?"

I crack open my eyes and see the dark shadow of the abyss in my closet. I twitch with annoyance. "It's fine," I say. "It's not hurting anyone."

My brain chuckles. "But what about all of the clothes that are just on the floor....you do realize a hamper is for holding all of those clothes?"

Once again, I open my eyes and see the dark lumps on the floor of the clothes I've worn throughout the week. "Fine." I say. "I'll toss them in the hamper." I jump out of bed, gather up the clothes and dump them into the hamper. 

"Happy?" I ask. 

Brain shrugs. "I suppose. But I can't believe you didn't notice all of those papers strewn about your desk." 

I turn on a light and stare at my desk, sure enough, random sheets of paper are spread out haphazardly on my desk top along with scattered pens, pencils and remnants of a long ago craft project. 

"Doesn't it bother you that there is no semblance of order on your desk?" My brain prods at me. "And just look at your book shelf. Your books need to be rearranged...again...they're starting to look a bit out of sorts...and also dusty. And it looks like you missed the garbage a few times. And I think I recall you putting a sweater with your blouses when you should have hung it up with the other sweaters. A simple mistake, but you and I both know that that isn't allowed." 

Suddenly I spin around and every flaw that causes disorder or clutter in my room stands out like a sore thumb. "I see your point." I admit. 

"I'll get the music." My brain says as I begin my late-night cleansing.

This is not a joke.

I have done this about a dozen times in my adult life. My mom has caught me a few times at around 1:30 in the morning with every single one of my books pulled off of their shelves, stacked in massive, teetering towers around me on the floor as I'm scrubbing off scuff marks, bending back bent corner pages and dusting the shelves. I even once spent an entire night, cataloging my books. I still own that catalog, I update it about once a month because I'm a book hoarder and keep buying more books!

I don't particularly like clutter, but I live with it because I'm a lazy person on most days. Then I suddenly get that one day of inspiration to clean everything. I'll add knick knacks and trinkets onto my shelf and then a month later they gnaw on my nerves and I have to remove and rearrange.

Just ask some of my friends. In junior high, I once went over to my friends house to hang out and ended up cleaning her room. It became an inside joke between us that it was my job to clean her room and we laugh about it still today. I just can't stand a mess for long periods of time, okay? Blame my mother for making me this way!

So I forewarn you, if I see a mess, I will clean it mercilessly. It helps me sleep at night.


<<Collector of 'Doll' Things>>
Coincidentally many of the things I collect include the word "doll" in it. Think I'm joking? I collect anything and everything Goo Goo Dolls related, as all you lovely people know. They're my favourite band, I must have anything I can get about them. Even their first albums, even though they aren't all that good.

 I also have been collecting Paper Dolls since I was in elementary school. I have quite and extensive collection. I don't like many people touching them though. Their paper and I don't want anyone to rip them but me.

I also collect just dolls in particular. Not the creepy porcelain kind - although you may argue that the dolls I collect are equally as creepy - but like legitimate play dolls. Monster High, Ever After High, Barbie, I collect my particular favourites of these. Do I play with them? No, I don't. Do I put them on my shelf and look at them? Creepily, I must admit yes. I am very picky about which ones I collect. I prefer dolls with some unique feature that makes them unique from the generic Barbie doll, with a unique face mold or skin tone.

I also like to repair, remodel and experiment with these dolls. I occasionally visit thrift stores and find love-worn dolls to adopt for a short time to restore them. I give their hair a good soak, sometimes even going so far as to use the boiling method to get the kink and gnarls out of the hair. I've even done a couple re-rooting projects where I completely give the doll an entirely new hairdo. I buy them a new outfit and then donate them back to the thrift store so some little girl can have a dream come true doll to love.

See? I totally wasn't kidding about the 'doll' thing.

I also collect tea, mugs, and candles. Do I have enough room for these things? No, I do not, which is why my mugs take up nearly all of the shelves in the spare room in our house.


<<Eclectic Taste in Pop Culture>>
If you choose to live with me, you will find that my taste in movies, music, and television is a wide range. I jump from one genre to the next as quickly as a popping balloon. There will never be consistency with my taste. And I am convinced that everything I love is stellar. I mean we can all agree that Jim Henson's Labyrinth is the best film ever made.......right?

And when a movie is playing that I want you to watch I have 100% expectation that you put that phone away and watch this amazing movie with me. But I am also a total hypocrite and will most absolutely be on my phone when we watch one of your movies that I'm not super interested in.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who sing in the shower with my speakers playing full blast along with me. You will - unfortunately - hear my bipolar iPod nearly every night. I can't wait for the day you hear me singing along to a Bollywood song.


<<Friends>>
Dear roommate, you should know that I have a lot of friends. Many who do not hang around the same circles as you. With being involved in church functions since I was a child, and being raised in the same town my entire life, I have made many lifelong friends I've known since we were in 1st grade together, some I've known since junior high, others I've developed friendships in my adulthood. Each is unique and beautiful in their own way and I love all of my friends dearly.

And here is the truth, I have some friends that may not get along, that you may not get along with. But know that all these people are dear friends to me and I will invite them in for crumpets and tea whether you like it or not. (Yes crumpets and tea will become a thing when I get my own apartment, be ready).

<<Google till I Am Right>>
My friends will attest to this probably the most vocally. If I think I'm right over something, I will research my entire life away until I know that I am right. I can't let something go when I know that it's wrong and I will dig until my point it proven. It's a prideful thing that I unfortunately don't think I can ever let go.

I believe in thorough research before ever giving information (even though I'm a hypocrite and spread false information probably all of the time). So if I am ever aware of incorrect or potential falsities being spread around, I have to find a credible source to inform the other person that they are in fact wrong and I am in fact right.

I don't try to be rude about it, but I honestly love to know what the truth is and will research and read and dig until I learn what the exact truth is, but it unfortunately comes across as rather annoying to many of my friend.


<<Strange Habits and Quirky Traits>>
I bite my nails.
I never ever untie my tennis shoes.
I don't push all my toothpaste up to the top of the tube because I'm lazy.
I don't clip my toe nails as often as I should.
I like to pop zits.
I hate bent corners in any book.
I will judge and critique any grocery store (specifically the produce department) because my time at Wangsgards has forever changed me.
I am majorly indecisive and will always answer with "I don't care, it's whatever you want." and then proceed to whine that you picked the one thing that I didn't want.
I will force you to watch the first episode of Winx Club at least once and will sadly accept that I am the only die-hard out there (besides Kadi).
I have about a dozen fictional boyfriends and I will tell you about all of them at some point and you will know why I am single.
I'll also complain that I'm such a poor college student and then go and buy $30 worth of video games or books (it was a really good deal on a really rare video game, okay?) and then I'll end up wearing worn jeans for the next month because that $30 was supposed to be for a new pair of pants.
I detest tomatoes and Maximum Ride.
Only half of my jokes are funny.
I don't like people touching me without consent so don't do it. That's not to say I don't mind hugs and touchy stuff, but I just need to be aware of it before you do it or I need to initiate the touching.
I don't like sharing my stuff with people. Even when I offer it to you, I don't actually want to give it to you.
When I have a cold, I watch "Father Goose" with the lovely Cary Grant in it. It has strangely become the movie I watch whenever I am sick.

I'm sure there are plenty more unsavory things about me that you'll discover as my roommate, whoever you may be. But now you all know just what you are getting into, so when you want to move out because I Googled about whether the White Witch was actually in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader book or if it was just artistic license from the movie director, I will remind you that I warned you about that and you knew what you agreed to.

P.S. The White Witch does not reappear in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, that's all just Hollywood.

3 Ways to Improve Your Life (According to Me)

It always seems that when I reach a rut in my life, I turn to this blog to vocalize what I am feeling. I would prefer it if I came here when my life was going great, which is something I am going to try and do today.

I am easily discouraged, it's something that I'm trying to move past, but it's also something very hard to train yourself out when you seem to be a professional at being discouraged. I get discouraged after one week of eating right and exercising and seeing that nothing's changed. I get discouraged when I write for ten minutes and I'm not a published author. I get discouraged when a graphic design project doesn't pan out as beautifully as I envisioned it. And so many other things it would be a waste of yours and my time to list them all. The gist of it: I get discouraged very very easily.

I took a brief evaluation of myself and realized that this is a quality that I want to train myself out of. I want to remove discouragement from the equation, and replace it with discipline, self-love, and positive stimulants.

I'm still figuring it all out, the gym and I are still bitter enemies, but here is a list of things that have worked for me.

///She Reads Truth///

Credit

Being highly religious, I've been looking for something to stimulate my spirituality. Something that has helped me drastically is an app I found called She Reads Truth. Turns out it's more than just an app, but a worldwide women's reading group. It started as a small internet reading group that exploded to a community dedicated to Jesus, reading the Bible, and empower women to be the best versions of themselves. The app includes a Bible with multiple translation options to satisfy multiple denominations of Christian women. It also includes a plethora of reading plans. Each plan revolves around a theme or a book in the Bible and goes for about 10 to 35 days. It includes assigned scripture reading, and then a small devotional written by a team of content creators on the She Reads Truth team.

But they are so much more than just a reading group. They include a small section with inspiring Christian music (FYI: it's not free, sorry guys), a section with FREE wallpapers for your phone, and let me tell you, they are gorgeous. My graphic designer heart has a heart attack every time a new wallpaper comes out, which is like every other week, I swear. 

The best part, they have a 365-day Bible Reading Challenge. I have never read the Bible word for word but I have been trying my darndest to do it with the help of She Reads Truth. The app gives you a reading assignment for each day and then lets you check it off when you finish it, and it keeps a percentage of how far you are. It's not in order from cover to cover so I've been bouncing from book to books in the Bible and it's so exciting. I love reading my personal paperback scriptures along with the app to read comparisons of translations and catching the constant light of Christ in both translations. No matter what translation you read, if you search for Christ, you will find Him.

I'm not caught up on She Reads Truth, but I love that I have something that I can turn to at any time to remind me that I am a daughter of God.

/// Pamper Yourself ///

When I get discouraged over something that I have done, I tend to lock away anything that would make me feel better away. I don't read, I don't write no video games, nothing that would inspire me to feel better. I simmer in my own diminished emotions and don't take care of myself. I would wake up in the morning, throw my two-day-old hair into a sagging ponytail, throw on a random shirt with a random pair of jeans and shuffle out the door for the day, still feeling sorry for myself.

I've realized that this behavior encourages self-pity, laziness and a rather stationary sense of being. When the going gets tough, you just bow your head and stumble on feeling sorry for yourself? No! Absolutely no.

I had had a pretty crummy day once at work, that's normal, but I had made some mistakes that had really bothered me, because I don't like to make mistakes. Nobody does. When I got home, I pondered on stepping into my old routine of eating junk food and feeling bad while watching an unhealthy amount of YouTube videos. I looked at myself and saw how pathetic I was and chose to do something.

I didn't allow myself to feel bad by making myself feel good. I took a hot shower and used my favourite shampoo, I played only my best music and when I got out I took the time to prep my hair for the morning. I painted my nails, read my scriptures, and then woke up in the morning feeling 110% better. I donned on my best red lipstick and stepped out my door feeling confident that I was going to be okay, and that today was a new day.

So the more defining moral of the story is that I had a change of perspective, a change of attitude. But I also believe that pampering yourself makes you feel something good about yourself. If you take the time to comb your hair, do your nails, clean your skin, it shows you care enough about yourself to do those things, and in the end your body responds quite positively. I think the result of your attitude will always be better after a hot shower and a good manicure.

///Journaling///

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a collector of journals and love journaling. I have a hidden away shelf in my closet that is filled to the brim with notebooks. Some are filled with scribbles, notes, and stories, others have never been cracked open yet. I decided that I should put a use to some of those blank notebooks.

I have a major fear of desecrating the 'blank page'. What if I ruin what was once beautiful? It was a constant fear of mine. But here is the really obvious fact: no one else will see this page as long as you don't want them to. Do whatever you gosh darn feel like. So I have been.

I now carry a journal with me everywhere I go. It goes with me to work, to school, to the gym, in the car, literally everywhere. It's become a constant mini-counselor. If I feel frustrated, discouraged, or a bit hopeless, I open a blank page and begin to fill it with something. It could be a sketch, it could be a legitimate journal entry where I pour out my thoughts and feelings, it could just be a list of things I want to do. I haven't filled a journal this fast since I was in elementary school. It's magical to look back at my previous pages and feel a sense of joy and pride. I've written some of the best poetry in that journal, sketched out concept art for my graphic design work, and have also planned what will one day become the Ultimate Marvel Movie Marathon. There is literally everything in the journal. It's unbelievable how much I've come to depend on something entirely made of paper and ink. 

To add, I just recently started a bullet journal as well, which has helped immensely in keeping my mind from going insane. I have compiled all of the things that I want to accomplish and keep track of it so easily. Bullet journals can be as hard or as easy as you want them to be, and I'm still experimenting on how I want mine's to pan out, but I'm already a fan of how it's going. 

//Conclusion//

It's so easy to let the rough patches in our life drag us down, and I'm a sucker for them. But I'm learning slowly how to cope, manage and control my life so that I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'm now going to be experimenting to see if blogging weekly helps. XD Pray for me that I can actually write another post next week. Please...

Joy Amidst Fear

It has been so long since I last felt the urge to write like this. The last posts I have written have been jammed into the last ten minutes of class before I head off to work, they are usually squeezed out of my brain and dribbled onto the screen with very little inspiration fueling the work.

Tonight is different.

I'm dressed in my PJs with my oversized green headphones on to block out any nightly noises except for the relaxing sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard. There is a single lamp on in my room and the rest of my house is in darkness. Everyone is asleep. I am the only one awake and my mind is whirring with excitement, joy and the fuel of inspiration. There is no time for sleep when words must be written.

I spent this beautiful Sunday morning watching YouTube. It is a habit that I spend my Sunday mornings catching up on the virtual world. I immerse myself with real people and I spend ten or so minutes with them, seeing their life. Some would see this as a waste of time, but I constantly find it to be a blessing. When I see a YouTuber stepping outside of their front door and living, it makes me want to live. It makes me want to change things in my life so that I can do the same things as them. It led me to tearing my room apart and reorganizing it. It led me to clearing and throwing away all of the useless knick-knacks and it led me to returning my room from a tornado recovery victim to a haven for inspiration.

There are so many things to be happy about, even amidst these hard times. My future is entirely uncertain, my body is entirely out of shape, and my job is entirely stressful, but I found that today I had never felt happier. I felt happy to be able to spend the day worshiping my Lord and Savior. I felt happy meeting a complete stranger at church and feeling like I was the most valuable person in the world when I talked to her. I feel happy right now, here in my bedroom, surrounded by my haven of books. I feel happy to know that tomorrow is the start of a brand new week and that each day is an opportunity and a brand new start.

I feel so happy to know that I have a Lord and Saviour who died for me so that I could feel right now this joy. I've never felt so much anxiety for the future, but I've also never so at peace about it at the same time. I have faith that as long as I align my goals with Christ, there will be no need to fear for the future. I receive so much comfort from this. Some people may seem it to be foolish to place so much faith in a being that is so physically absent, but without it, I would be a mess. I'm happier being the fool than losing myself to the pains and fears of the world.

Whether you believe in God, in Krishna, Buddha or in no spiritual being at all, I hope that you can find the peace that you seek at this time. Hold to the small things in life that inspire you to find joy. Relish in the small and simple things in life and take it one day at a time. Times are hard and it's possible that they may continue to spiral downwards, but that gives us no reason to stand down or to give up. We alone have the strength and ability to press onward, we alone have the ability to let hope and faith guide us or leave it by the wayside. Will you choose to give up or stand up?

2017: Unregrettable #CGforever

I look back on 2016 with many regrets.

I regret that I didn't brush and floss my teeth every day, I regret that I didn't go to the gym (like, ever), I regret staying up late. The list could go on for a painfully long time.

Needless to say, there are hundreds upon hundreds of things I would love to change and improve upon and alter in this new year. 2017 sounds weird in my mouth, it sounds unfamiliar and a bit fuzzy and vague. 2016, I felt excited about 2016, but I've been humbled a lot and now I look at the future with numb apprehension. What if this is another year of mistakes and regrets? What if 2017 is going to be even more painful?

I am entirely inexperienced when it comes to dealing with losing a loved one. Both of my grandparents are alive, as are all of my aunts and uncles. Death is a bit of an obscurity to me. I'm not saying I haven't dealt with the sadness of losing someone, but I have not been felt the true grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one.

But on June 10th of 2016, I've never felt more grief in my entire life, all completely for someone I have never even met.

Christina Grimmie was born in New Jersey in March of 1994. She is the second of two children. I know nothing about her childhood, only that she loved her family, her two best friends, Jesus, video games, and music. She was incredibly talented with music and it's what some would call a gift. On July 19th, 2009, Christina Grimmie posted her first YouTube video under the channel name of zeldaxlove64. She sang "Don't Wanna Be Torn" by Hannah Montana with a Sonic the Hedgehog poster in the background. This gives a small idea of the kind of person Christina was. Fast Forward a few years, and Christina Grimmie had formed a faithfully loyal following, christened Team Grimmie. I discovered her in 2011, with the release of her EP "Find Me," and like how every fan will begin their tale, "I was drawn to her instantly."

Christina currently has 227 videos and 3,829,606 subscribers. She competed in the sixth season of The Voice and placed in third. She has toured with Selena Gomez, collaborated with multiple artists, released two EPS and one album, and debuted in 2016's film, The Matchbreaker. She made a name for herself and become an inspiration to young adults and teenagers across the globe.

Christina Grimmie became somewhat of an obsession for me. I religiously watched her videos from then on and supported her in her endeavors. There was no other artist out there that I had related to so deeply. She was a devout Christian, and a firm believer in Christ, but she was also a total nerd. Her favourite video game  was Zelda and her favourite movie was Lord of the Rings. How could I not love this girl? Being only a few years older than me, I clung onto her like an online older sister. I styled her hair like her, I bought bright neon green headphones just like hers (I'm on my third pair right now) and I memorized every word to her Above All That Is Random songs.

She treated her fans like family, we had a hand sign (\l/ Rawwk fingers \I/), and Christina never called us fans, but frands. We were her fan friends. She never seemed to be down and her music, whether it was original or a cover, filled my soul with something so joyous and uplifting. I felt like I knew her even when I knew nothing about her. I had made a goal to meet her one day, to see her sing live on stage and sing her songs with her and I had dreamed to tell her just how much she inspired me to be the person I am.

You can already tell this story is not going to end well.

On June 10th of 2016, Christina Grimmie was shot and killed after a live show. She was meeting her fans when the shooter faced her and shot her. The shooter was seized by her brother, Mark, before anyone else was hurt, but for Christina, it was too late.

For a moment, my life crumbled when I heard the news. How could someone who was so pure, so inspiring, so good be given this destiny? Why, after all of the hard work she has done, after all of the good and wonderful accomplishments did it have to end like this? How was this fair, when she was so young? How was it okay to say goodbye to someone who was such an example to me.

Her death has haunted me for the past seven months. I still am seized with an incomprehensible sense of sadness that I can't control whenever I see her or hear her voice. She never met me and I never met her, but somehow her life was branded onto my soul and I won't ever forget her. Her songs are her legacy, and they sound so different to me, they mean something different now that she is gone.

A lot of terrible things happened in 2016 following and preceding Christina's death; many tragic things. Most did not happen to me directly, but it does not mean it did not affect me, or the world for that matter. I think we can all say that looking at 2016, we won't miss it too much. We won't miss all of the death, the tragedies, the lack of empathy, the politics, the contention and war. There is so much more to come, I know, but I hope that it comes a bit more gracefully from now on.

With Christina's passing, the concept of time and just how short our lives can be has plagued my nightmares. How much time do I have left on this world? And am I spending it wisely?

It's possible that Christina may have had some regrets, but I believe that it is more likely that she would say that her life was unregrettable. She fulfilled a dream of inspiring people while never lowering her standards or defacing her Christ and Savior. She created music and with that came her virtual inernet family. She even fell in love. She touched millions of lives, traveled the world, and had an amazing family. For someone so young, she still did so much, and had so little to be regretful of.

 For 2017, and possibly for my life I've made it a goal to make every day unregrettable. It's sort of like making every day unforgettable, but just with a bit more heart behind it, at least for me. I don't want my life to be cut short and realize that I didn't do anything to make a difference for myself or for others. I don't want my life story to be Kenra: the girl who started, but never finished. I want it to be Kenra: the girl with no regrets because she didn't stop trying.

2017 is going to be less about goals (although I do have them) and more about action, more about just going out and doing. Rather than thinking positively, act positively. It's turning dreams into reality. It's conquering the barricades that are in my way. It's living fearlessly and courageously. If Christina Grimmie could die with no regrets, I can certainly live with no regrets.

I dedicate 2017 to Christina and her legacy and I hold onto her values and her music to step towards the future. To her family and closely loved ones, I pray for you every day, and I love you for helping Christina to be the person she is, especially all of the Grimmie family. I know that Christina is in a much greater place now and where she is there is no pain, no tragedy or sorrow. She is ascended to a much more loving place, a paradise where her music can shake the heavenly rafters. I'm pretty sure that she is doing much better than everyone here on this world combined. She is with her Savior, where her heart has always been. You Rawwk Christina, I may not have met you in this life, but I know I will in the next.

And 2017, I'm ready for you, whatever may come, I don't plan to regret it.

Photo: christinagrimmie.com

To learn more about Christina check out her website and her channel.

I Want to Be a Writer

I want to be a writer.

I love the silence that writing has. When all you hear is the scraping of pen on paper or the clicking of the keyboard. And nothing else. Nothing but that.

But writing is also one of the loudest things I do.

My mind is a giant cacophny of noise and thoughts that I literally cannot control. My mind is chaotic and a giant labyrinth that I am constantly lost in and trying to make sense of. I know it sounds, unpleasant, but if you compare it to Jim Henson's Labyrinth, it's actually quite breathtaking.

Until you do become hopelessly lost in the strings that you've tangled yourself up in.

I can't say that I'm actually very good at writing. In fact, I'm a rather rubbish writer.

Somebody else could write this a whole lot better than I could. Somebody else could make my characters become three dimensional better than me. I'm not gifted to write, it doesn't come as naturally as it does for others. My writing takes work.

I hope that one day I can open up one of my stories and look at my words and realize their worth. I wish I could spot the diamonds in the rough, the phrases that sparkle and make me feel something.

There are times where I avoid writing because I believe the story is too good to be tainted by my inadequate skills. These characters too good, the world too exquisite. If I place my fingers on that keyboard and begin, it will never be as good as I hope it will be.

Somebody can do it so much better.

It drives me insane to feel this way because I need to write to survive. My soul, my heart, and my mind live off of words, the creating of phrases and thoughts that pierce the mind and make you pause for thought. My mind yearns for the beautiful word, the carefully crafted tale.

I wish I knew how others do it. How did Dickinson, Dickens, and Austen write the foundation of classical literature? How did Tolkien, Lewis and Burroughs create the forge the begining of fantastical literature? How does Rowling, Martin and Riordan sustain that expectation? How do they do it? I want to make my words fly off of the page and become real inside someone's head. I want to make someone feel something. I want a phrase of my story to be written on a scratch piece of paper when they need those words for strength. I want my words to inspire and lift, to restore hope in a younger reader's mind. I want to create something that makes people feel, makes people think.

I could be doing it now, but I don't know. I don't know where my value is when it comes to writing.

I feel frustrated, I feel incompetent. I wish I could be better. I wish I could feel like my words are crisp, strong, powerful and emphatic rather than under-cooked and soft, without any flavor or vibrancy.

I want to be a writer. I want people to see my worlds and see them like they are home. Because to me, my stories are home. I have created a haven I can escape to when I write. In that world, there are characters and creatures who know me better than I and are waiting to be crafted and molded under my direction. They wait so patiently for me to be ready. My world is far too good to me, far too patient.

I want to be writer, but do not know yet if I have earned such a title.

It's Worth It

Whenever I tell someone that I plan to write 50,000 words in 30 days, I always get the same sentiment, "Are you insane?"

Sometimes I wonder the same thing. This year especially.

It's odd to think that I've been doing this since 2011. I remember the first time that I ever did it. I was in ninth grade, still rather poor in my writing, and far too timid to share anything I wrote. I wrote a story based off of my imaginary friend when I was little. Her name is Stacey and she's a sage, a magic-user. She has a twin sister (then named Roxy) who's a total punk-runker and they embark on all sorts of dangerous missions together and save the galaxy. Because saving the the world was far too small  and humble for fifteen year old Kenra.

Looking back at those first 50,000 words I had ever dedicated for NaNoWriMo, I feel a mixture of pride and the urge to cringe at just how bad  it was. There was an entire 2,000 words dedicated to a princess slumber party that had nothing to do with the plot-line. But it was something to fill in the gaps while I waited for inspiration to come back from their lunch break.

Since then I have learned that no NaNoWriMo is the same. No writing experience will ever be the same and every story requires a different writing muscle to make the words mesh well. Writing an entire novel is never easy, and a rather thankless job, and slightly insane, but it is entirely worth it.

With the four and a half novels that I have written for NaNoWriMo I have written a total of 213,660 words. It's a bit surreal to think that each and every single one of those words was written and arranged by me. It wasn't procured by chance or magic. It comes about by practicing habitual writing, by staying up late nearly every night to reach the word goal for the day. It comes from writing about princess parties because you can think of nothing else to write about. It comes from true grit and dedication.

This year's NaNoWriMo has definitely been one of the hardest. As I get older I become more and more unsatisfied with the place that I am at in my writing. I create doubts and a poor judgement about what kind of writer and even what kind of person I am. This year, as you already knew, was difficult just to even convince myself to begin. I didn't think I could be good enough to write another 50,000 words. But with help from my best friend, I was able to get NaNoWriMo rolling.

A week into NaNoWriMo, that inspiration bit the dust pretty quick. I began to feel so exhausted of trying to do something that my heart just wasn't into. The prompts that my friend and I had planned were great and excellent prompts, but they did not inspire me to create a brand new story. At the end of the week, my friend and I traded ideas for the stories we had written. My friend was so enthusiastic about every story she had written, talking about how they would all make great novels someday. She shared excerpts and ideas with me and I was eager to be excited for her, but then reluctant to share my own stories. There was nothing good about them.

I was already sick of coming up with a brand new cast of characters each day only to write 2,000 words of their story. It's likely that I will never finish any of these character's stories, simply because I didn't care enough about them to begin with. At that point, I was ready to just delete the file and call it quits.

It took a very late night phone call with my brother for me to realize that I was doing this entirely wrong.

The quality and style of someone's writing should never be compared, competed or clashed with another's writing style. The motivation to write should never be to become as good as this person, to be at this reading level, to beat this person at the word goal. It should never be a tool that competes against another. And for the past week, that was exactly what I had done for the past two months. I had placed my writing next to that of  Tolkien, Rowling and countless other published and successful authors and found my works to be worth nothing. I even read through my friend's stories and found the faults in my stories next to hers. I had made it my goal to be better than them, all of them, and found that the order was too tall for me to ever manage in 30 days, or ever.

If you want to succeed in writing, you need to practice writing for yourself first. The story begins with you, the story is created by you. There is no one more important than you when you're story is involved. Write how you want to write, and don't try to make it better or as good as somebody else's. If you must compete, compete with yourself.

Once I figured that out, the prompts became a bit easier to manage. I still didn't think they were my favourite method of writing and I was still sick of writing new characters, and a new plot-line each day, but I was at least writing for the right reason. It wasn't about being the next Tolkien, it wasn't about being as good as my friend (who truly is an amazing and incredibly talented writer) and it wasn't about making a masterpiece on the first try.

Around November 25th, I finally chose to stop the prompts and just write something for myself. When I did that, the story I wrote was incredible. The characters were easy to write, the setting was so clear in my head and the story unfolded like a pop-up book. I had been writing in black and white for the past sixteen days and suddenly there was color. Vibrant unabashedly neon colors that weaved through my words and danced before my visionary eyes. It was the most exhilarating moment to realize that I was capable of writing something that made me feel good. It suddenly became much easier to reach my daily word goal, and even going beyond and finishing my 50,000 words before the end of the month.

This advice may not apply to everyone. Some people may need a little competition to get their words on the page, but that wasn't for me. I needed to write for myself and find the words that seemed to have been hiding in the shadows of my mind. I still and probably will continue to struggle finding where my stories stand when it comes to whether they're good enough to be read by others, but at this point in my life, that doesn't matter. What matters is that I am enjoying what I'm doing. Someday, if I practice hard enough and never stop the habit of daily writing, maybe I will be as good as Tolkien. But I'm not expecting that result to happen anytime in the near future. Today, I'm going to be as good as me, Kenra Cook.

Of the 50,000 words I wrote, I am only proud of around 8,000 words of it. Some could consider that a failure, but I see that as a victory. Writing has and never will be an easy thing for me to do. Time and self-doubts try to choke what little inspiration I have each day. It's a battle to commit to writing, especially when people are out doing normal sociable things that seem super fun. But it is so worth it. It's worth it to me for those 8,000 words I wrote. It's worth it because I love it.

I hope for those that read this, that they can find something that they love to do. God has given each of us a talent. I am so grateful for the gifts that I have been given, and I intend to show that gratitude by writing as much as I can in this lifetime.

Thank you for your support and all of you're kind words that encourage me through every chapter of my life and through the chapters of my character's life. Your kindness does not go unnoticed.

If you'd like a preview of some of this year's NaNoWriMo, click here. I hope some day Naomi Scott can rock the world.

NaNoWriMo Day 2

Words Written: 4,071
Feeling: Depressed

This is the first time ever in my NaNoWriMo experience that I have ever felt this defeated before; and never have I felt the urge so strongly to delete what I wrote and just give up. I had a lot of goals and dream, a lot of optimism and hope, but not anymore. What I have written is worse than I could imagine, and I'm disappointed and downtrodden.

Is this even worth it? Is it worth it to put forth so much effort to get nothing in return? Is it worth it to know that in the end you'll just be embarrassed and ashamed by what you write?

I don't feel like a writer right now. I feel like a failure and I want to give up.

Even when I have been on the last week of NaNoWriMo with 6,000 words behind schedule, I still had the confidence and the willpower to keep writing. It's day two and I don't have either. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm not going to get better and I'm not going to impress anyone. It doesn't help that when I try to share a piece of my work, I get no response. Did you know I'm still waiting for that critique I mentioned in my blog post late September?

I won't give up yet. It's too early to stop when I've only just begun. I just hope tomorrow is a better day.

50,000...maybe coming soon...

NaNoWriMo 2016: Change is Scary

I hate how quickly inspiration fizzles out. I had so many plans this October for my blog and only completed one of them. On the bright side, November is here, it's a brand new month and a brand new day.

With November comes exciting times. For anyone that has known me for the past five years, you know that November is one of my favourite months of the year for one very big reason: NaNoWriMo!

Every year I dedicate myself to one story and write until ridiculous hours of the night to complete my goal. It's been nearly successful every year (except one) and I have so much fun juggling life and writing in such a squashed amount of time. It really keeps my on my toes.

The unfortunate thing about the past four years is this: none of the novels I have began are finished. After I reach 50,000 words I come to a stand-still and my creative juices run off the edge of a cliff. I reached the dead end and could go no further.

Upon discovering this I decided to study those four stories and then became crushingly depressed when I noticed that not one of my stories were different. They all fell under this trope of a high school/college girl getting swept up in a fantastical/mystical adventure. There was the quirky best friend, the sickeningly handsome love interest, and some sort of magical force directing my main character to her destiny.

When I found this connection I lost all hope in my skills as a writer. I would become that author they talk about where, "When you've read one, you've read them all." As an aspiring author, the worst insult I think I can get is hearing that my stories are too similar to read. To make it worse, I delved into all of my scribbled writings - the ones that aren't novels, but just loose ideas and concepts - and saw the same pattern. Magical girl, magical boy, touch of romance, not nearly enough peril or reality in it.

I was debating not doing NaNoWriMo this year because this realization had hit me rather hard. After a late night conversation with one of my friends, she had convinced me not to give up. We discussed the next day and decided to change this year's NaNoWriMo a bit. Neither of us were quite ready to commit to a full length novel with a brand new cast of characters and a plot line; so we created an alternative.

For NaNoWriMo 2016, we've given ourselves 27 story prompts of various genres. Each day, we pick a prompt and we write at least 2,000 based off of that prompt. We gave ourselves three cheat days where we can write whatever we want, so if I wanted to, I can work on a previous novel and get a few things tweaked and ironed out. Picking out the prompts was a journey and really hard because I naturally would pick the magical themed prompts and my friend would try to pick something outside my comfort zone. I felt like a rotten child whining about how I didn't like the prompts but in the end, she won and I have a lot of interesting prompts that I am honestly so frightened of.

So National Novel Writing Month is going to be an interesting year. I hope that this year is as successful as I hope it is. I have a big goal and a dream to improve my skills. October was one of the hardest and worst months of this year because I wasn't able to write anything and I had suddenly lost all confidence in my work which led me to lose hope in myself and in my dreams. My hope is that NaNoWriMo will help me get back up on my feet and regain that confidence and that I can become better.

50,000 words...coming soon...

Mistakes Have Been Made

I did a terrible thing.

To begin this terrible tale, let me give you a small background. My phone is dying, it is a slug. I thought it would be a brilliant idea to clean out my phone a bit. When I saw a folder that had supposedly not been touched since 2013 with lots old photos of Winx Club in it I figured the rest of it must be equally as useless and clicked the delete button without scrolling down further. APPARENTLY, that folder was the folder that contained nearly all of my blog photos, so when I go onto my blog I find error images scattered throughout every page.

Needless to say, I have some regrets in my decision.

So while everything looks pretty normal now, I'll point out to you that there are posts only available from this year. I don't have the photos from 2013 anymore so I will be spending some time with my older posts to have them returned to their former glory so rather than have you look at junky error pictures I decided to revert them to drafts to give me some time to work on them. On the bright side, this has given me the opportunity to clean out and delete those embarrassing blog posts from three years ago It's crazy to think how immature I was just three years ago. That really isn't a whole lot of time you know.

So wish me the best of luck on my journey to beauty and perfection on this blog!

With Love,
Kenra Cook

Barbie Star Light Adventure

I spent the evening with my fave girl, Barbie. You would assume that most twenty-year olds have grown out of such things. This twenty-year old has not; along with my best friend Kadi, but you already knew that.

Just today, Mattel released the latest Barbie film, titled Barbie: Star Light Adventure.

Just take a look at this:

Barbie lives on a preserve planet  called Para-Den where her father and mother studied and cared for the creatures there. Barbie's mother had passed away, but her father remained on Para-Den to continue her work. I found that to be very cool. The film begins in a lush green forest on an Para-Den. You are suddenly thrown into a whirling ride as Barbie zooms through the forest on her hover board. After a careless crash, you discover that Barbie has a magical ability to move things through her mind and voice. That's important, obviously.

In this galaxy, they are governed by King Constantine, a strict, play-by-the-rule-book sort of guy, very uppity and staunch. The stars are slowly blinking out and fading to nothing. If it is not reversed, the galaxy will die. Constantine searches for gifted youth to aid him on a mission to travel to the center of Home Planet and restore the stars and their light to the galaxy. Naturally, Barbie is selected to go on the mission for her natural gift on the hoverboard.

Leo, Barbie, Sal-Lee, Sheena, and Kareena

Leaving her forested planet and father behind, Barbie joins forces with four other gifted teenagers. Sal-lee is a champion hoverboard competitor, she's fast and is a no-nonsense kind of girl. Kareena and Sheena are two telepathic twin sisters that can manipulate gravity. Kareena lightens objects while Sheena weighs them down. They're energetic and easily the happiest characters in the show. Lastly, Prince Leo, he's a pilot and an engineer with a ridiculous love for food.

The film shows their progression from strangers to friends as they train and prepare for their mission. In that time, Barbie has to learn whether to trust her heart and break away from Constatine's strict plan or to fall into obedience even if she may not agree with Constantine's plan. I'll keep the solution a secret since I don't want to spoil everything.

Would I watch this movie again? Most definitely. I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of this movie. Every second of the film is just so full of vibrant color and texture. There is so much to look and ogle at. The music throughout the movie is excellent. While not featured in the film, there is a song that plays in the credit that features Lindsey Stirling on the violin. It's my favourite song from the movie.

I'd have to say that this movie may be in my top five Barbie films. It's lighthearted, but also maintains a continuous plot line. There are diverse characters, great character development for certain characters, and a subtle but important message. 

This is a film I highly recommend to anyone who even has the slightest appreciation for Barbie. It's a winner in my eyes.

Oh and to all my die-hard Barbie fans wondering if the transformation sequence at the end was good, let me just tell you, I think it was both mine and Kadi's favourite.

To The School Quitters

Dear Students of All Forms and Types:

Unless you're school is like mine, you've had three months free of any sort of educational responsibility. Summer is what some people call it. But now the bells are ringing, the buses are revving their engines. Walmart has been cleaned of any cute folders, pencils, and notebooks, leaving only yellow legal pads and the notebooks and file folders from the cartoon that unfortunately no one likes. There's a sort of smell in the air that comes around every August, the smell of a new school year. Squeaky clean and brand new shoes mixed with never before worn cotton shirts and stiff and very tight denim jeans.

For those who are returning to the new school year, I welcome you. Now is the opportunity to learn great things. It sucks because you have to take tests on all of that awesome stuff and sometimes the teacher isn't who you hoped, but you are still given an opportunity to learn. For some of you who are more artistic, you are given the opportunity to create. For those who like to sweat, you are given the opportunity to work with a team and compete in a variety of sports. Go get 'em and keep your head in the game.

Unfortunately, this post isn't about all of those kids returning to school. It's about all of those high school graduates who are not returning to school. Whether it be because of work, money, or you just don't know what you want to do yet, it doesn't matter. This post is for you.

When I graduated high school I was determined to be like everybody else. I was going to enjoy the summer and than join the big league university world that I had heard so much about. It was a mixture of apprehension and excitement, but mostly apprehension. I was dependent on only myself to pay for schooling and I still had no idea what I really wanted to do. I had hoped that all of those tests I took my senior year would help me narrow down my options. The only result I ever got was "You're so well-rounded, you can pursue any career you want." While I was pleased to know that I had received a well-rounded education and well-rounded career skills, it still did not help me to know what to do with my life, or how I was going to even begin.

So I enrolled at Weber State in graphic design. It seemed like an alright place to start. I met with my counselors and they helped me get enrolled. I went to orientation, I toured the school, I even got my student ID card. It should have been so exciting, but I was beginning to dread school. Reading over the cost of school and comparing it to the money I didn't have, I suddenly felt panicked at the realization that I could never afford college. (I was a bit melodramatic back then).

So I quit. Dropped out. Removed myself from the equation. Gave up. However you want to say it, I did. I reasoned that I would go back to University, just when I had the money. The plan was to work for one semester, and then start at the beginning of the new year. The new year came and the new year went. I started a new position at my job and began to work more hours and I was scared to go back.

At the same time, I felt like such an outcast. While all of my friends were deeply involved in their freshmen year of college, I was filling produce in a grocery store. When I'd meet friends and neighbors and update them on my life it felt like they plastered on a smile for me and pretended to be pleased for me and my decision. I'd hear the talk about how an education was the most important thing I could. I'd hear about how this person's child was blossoming in their freshmen year of college, I'd go onto social media and see all of the college selfies. I felt like I had uninvited myself from the biggest thing I could be involved in and it made me feel three inches tall.

I'm so grateful to my mom, who never gave up on me. She respected my decision and supported me; but she also knew that I'd need a push to start up again. She was the voice of reason in my melodramatic world of teen drama. She pushed me to save my money, to think about what I wanted to do. I wouldn't be where I was without her loving discipline.

On my way to work I would drive by the Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College. Most days, it blended into the bland scenery and meant nothing to me. Except one special day, it caught my eye. I had never considered that maybe there was another option besides university. I didn't know a thing about the ATC but I thought it would be worth a shot to look into.

Long story short, I enrolled and am now a current graphic design student. Since then, my life has flourished. I didn't realize just how sucky my life was when I was stagnant, but I'm not saying that the decision I made was a bad decision either. In fact I'm writing this post to encourage anyone who is taking a 'gap' year in college.

If any of you graduates feel like you aren't ready to start. Don't. It isn't worth spending a semester or a year's worth of college if you aren't even sure of what you are going to do. Studies have even shown that taking a break after high school isn't as bad as everyone thinks it is. Take a look at this article from Time. It says that sometimes it is more beneficial to take a gap year of college. It matures you, and gives you the perspective you need to be committed to the work you want to start. Some universities even encourage gap years by giving scholarships for when you return.

I can attest to the truth that when you take a break, it matures you. I know that if I had gone straight to college right after high school, I would have wasted not only my money, but my time and my energy. Having taken a year off I was able to develop skills that I wasn't able to in high school. I grew more comfortable around people. I developed a love for service and I realized that I loved being creative. It was during my gap year that I began my 365 day journal which I poured my heart into every day, creating something beautiful to behold every single day. It prepared me for the work I would be doing now in school.

There is no need to feel like you have to take off engines roaring and fired up right after high school. It isn't necessary to burn yourself out like that. If you need time to discover yourself, time to discover what you want to do, and time to save money for schooling, do it. People will disagree with you, I guarantee it, but as long as you have the intention of becoming something better, you aren't doing anything wrong.

My brain is a bit scattered and I hope that I expressed everything I wanted to today. This topic is so important to me, because I find I am so much happier than I imagined doing what I love and being in a place where I am comfortably paying my tuition on my own and still being able to learn what I want to. No one should feel like they're being pulled their way through school, not when this is about pursuing your dreams.

I wish students and 'gap' students the best of luck on their journey of discovery, because whether you are in school or taking a semester off, you are both discovering incredible things. Neither one of you are less or greater than the other and you both have such amazing things ahead of you. I wish you all the best. Safe journeying.

-Kenra

After the Opening Ceremony

I missed over half of the Opening Ceremony of Rio's 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony, but I arrived just in time to hear Thomas Bach announce the Olympic Opening Ceremony and award the Laurel to Kipchoge Keino along with Bach's amazing speech. I highly recommend you watch all of that if you didn't see it. Like I said, I missed most of it, but I thought that there could be nothing better than that moment. 

In that moment, it was a reminder to me of all the good the Olympic does for people. In the end, this is not about separate teams competing for themselves, this about a world meeting together in the midst of an uncertain future and allowing our difference to be ignored for a time. This is about teamwork, friendship and being together competing in activities and sports that we all love. Sports are a language we can all understand, and it is a great place to begin to understand love, compassion and empathy. it's just an amazing thing to think about.