May 19, 2014

What does the Future Hold???

Today is graduation day.

The past eighteen years of my life, what I considered normal, it's all about to end. No more alarm clocks at 6:00 in the morning. No more of mom telling me to turn my shirt right side out. No more lockers, no more counselors tracking my every decision. All of a sudden my choices are mine, I have to fend for myself.

I am terrified.

What if I'm not ready for the real world? What if it just shakes at my head at me and says, "You just ain't ready, kid." But I can't exactly go back to high school, now can I?

In less then five hours, my high school years are over.

Am I sad? Sort of, but it's more like I'm uncomfortable. I've been used to doing the same schedule everyday since 1st grade and up. I've always had a teacher, or my parents next to me and encouraging me along the way. They've told how to do this, they've paid for me for that, and they told me not to that. All of sudden, the training wheels are gone and I have to learn how to ride the bike all by myself. I want the training wheels back, it's more secure, it's comfortable. But I want to be able to ride by myself and be independent too. I'm not comfortable with all of a sudden having a sack full of responsibilities on my back. I'm willing to and even deep down inside I'm excited to be independent. But it's scary.

The worst part about graduation, is losing the friends that were with you from day one. I have the most amazing friends, to describe them in a word: original. What do we do for fun? Ride unicycles, pet donkeys, and play in parks at one in the morning, we sort of ruled the world, or more specifically our world. All of sudden, we're about to through the caps in the air, say goodbye, and possibly never see each other again? I'm not okay with that. I know I can't expect them to stay, and they can't expect me to, but it's hard to say goodbye after we've gone through so many things together. That quote about not knowing what you have until it's gone speaks absolute truth. I didn't think about how great my friends are until I'm about to lose them.

The truth of the matter is, is that I don't like change. It's a fire-breathing beast that doesn't miss a single human being. It enjoys seeing us squirm, it likes to put twists in our lives. As much as I wish I could just slay the beast of change, I can't. Without change, we would never learn. Without change, we would live the most monotonous and superficial lives. Our lives would have no meaning, no depth. It would be nothing.

So when I really think about it. College is going to give me the chance to meet new friends, maybe. College will help me become the person I've dreamed about. College is change, and I think I'm ready for it. I think I'm ready to be a big girl now. While I am scared for whatever new monsters I have to face, I'm getting my sword sharpened and I'm ready to face anything comes. I'm becoming my own heroine, and let all know that I'm about to make my victory!

May 15, 2014

Dealing With Death

Just 24 hours ago, the world lost one amazing man. In his early forties, Mr. Nicholas passed away from a heart attack, and an injury to the head. This man was the father of three children, one of them being my best friend, Jason. He was the member of the bishopric in our religion, and was a loved and respected. While I knew his son more than Mr. Nicholas, I can recall such fond memories of him cooking us steak, telling us wild stories of scouts, and making us all smile and laugh.

Jason was involved and band, but he, just like his dad, made an impression on everyone he met. He made everyone feel loved and appreciated and brought joy to everyone he came in contact with. As we got to know Jason, we got to know his family, and we came to love the whole family. Just last fall, Jason left on a two-year LDS mission and has done amazing things. There are a lot of people in plain ole' Plain City that support and love Jason. No one even suspected that something so tragic could happen.

If you had looked down the music department, you would have seen a very somber scene. Students from Mr. Nicholas' ward and close friends of Jason all grouped together and took a moment to mourn over what had happened yesterday.

While I was very sad about what happened, all I could think was, But he's in a better place now. We don't need to be sad. I know how hard it is to deal with death, but in my religion we believe that Heavenly Father has a divine plan for every single person. I think Mr. Nicholas' divine plan has been completed, he did what our Lord in Heaven asked for and now he can return home to Heavenly Father. He has been a righteous follower, and a righteous leader also. It was obvious that he had left an impression on a lot of kids at our school, this man was someone everyone loved and that was a gift given from God. He did a lot of good in the world, and while it's hard for the living to deal with life without him, he is probably happy and excited to do the job set for him up in heaven. I can just see him already getting down to business, and I can see that Jason now has one more angel watching over him while he is out of they country. I felt like that rather than mourning his death, we should celebrate that he is one step closer to eternal happiness.

But it was still hard to see so many of my friends suffering. It just proves that one man really can make a difference, and that once he's gone, it's almost like ripples in the water, it flows out and affects other ripples in the water. We as human beings, do not realize just how valued we are. It's like the old saying goes, "You don't know what you have until it's gone."

So in this time of sadness/joy, remember that you are worth something, and that death is not the end, but rather the closing of a book and moving on to the sequel. I mourn for those that were left behind, but one day, we will all be with Mr. Nicholas again someday, hand in hand, reunited. The end is really only the beginning.

As the day wore on, I saw that some were still really upset about what happened. I started to become more concerned about them, I've always been taught to think positively, and maybe that was engraved to much in my childhood because I now am afraid that staying sad too long will affect you in serious ways. And so I reminded them of all of the great qualities of Mr. Nicholas: he was always smiling, always making us laugh, he was selfless and accepting of everyone. This man sounds like someone who would hate to see such a sad scene here on earth. I think rather than mourning, we need to follow his example, and try to make others smile, try to be more Christ-like and less involved in the vain things of the world. I reminded them that he lived a good and fulfilling life. He raised three beautiful kids and he taught them from right from wrong, he did just a good parent should, and I'm proud of him for that.

While saying goodbye is hard, it's nice to know that this is not the end. I can't help but smile when I imagine Mr. Nicholas getting down to business up in heaven, never taking a breath until the work is done. Rest in peace, Mr. Nicholas, you planted a seed within our hearts, one that will grow because of your example.