To My Future Roommate

I have had many people approach me recently telling me that they want me as their roommate. Some I think are said more out of politeness, but others genuinely want me to live with them. And that both amuses and terrifies me.

I've contemplated moving out, but I also just feel so silly when I get free rent, free food and a family who knows all of my quirks and roller coaster emotions and are able deal with me on a day to day basis. My friends know I'm a kook with an absurd sense of humor, they know I'm quirky, but I still wonder......do they really know?

So I thought I would make this easy for all of you interested in becoming my roommate, I have compiled a 100% honest - 0% exaggeration list of all of the things you probably should know before you think you can handle living with me.

I've even texted a few of my close friends and asked them for my bad habits, the truth hurts sometimes.

<< Book Hoarder>>
Let's just get this first thing off of my chest. I hoard, inhale, and absorb books like they were made of candy. Would you like to know just how many books I own? Actually...I would like to know too. Hold up a moment while I go count my books. (Chaotic scrambling and counting for 5 minutes). I own 446 books! I have so many books that I have stacks hiding in my closet!

I also have to confess that I collect duplicate books. It drives my mother nuts. I own two copies of the entire Tiger's Curse series by Colleen Houck (one in hardback, one in paperback), I own multiple editions of Avalon Web of Magic series by Rachel Roberts. And I own multiple editions of any Tolkien Book I can get my hands on. I currently own four different copies of the Two Towers. Apparently that's the first one to go when people sell their Tolkien books? I can't quite comprehend how someone could ever separate The Lord of the Rings apart like that, but I hope to someday reunite them.


<<Cleaning at Unsightly Hours>>
Dear future roommate: you should know that I have a tendency to do deep cleaning....at 11 at night or later. And once I get on a cleaning spree at night I don't usually stop until maybe 2 or even 3 in the morning to finish the darn thing.

Don't think that I don't let my room a bit cluttered, because I totally do, but then my brain reminds as I settle into my bed that I've left a mess about me.

"Kenra..." It says. "Kenra did you forget that you left your closet door open?"

I crack open my eyes and see the dark shadow of the abyss in my closet. I twitch with annoyance. "It's fine," I say. "It's not hurting anyone."

My brain chuckles. "But what about all of the clothes that are just on the floor....you do realize a hamper is for holding all of those clothes?"

Once again, I open my eyes and see the dark lumps on the floor of the clothes I've worn throughout the week. "Fine." I say. "I'll toss them in the hamper." I jump out of bed, gather up the clothes and dump them into the hamper. 

"Happy?" I ask. 

Brain shrugs. "I suppose. But I can't believe you didn't notice all of those papers strewn about your desk." 

I turn on a light and stare at my desk, sure enough, random sheets of paper are spread out haphazardly on my desk top along with scattered pens, pencils and remnants of a long ago craft project. 

"Doesn't it bother you that there is no semblance of order on your desk?" My brain prods at me. "And just look at your book shelf. Your books need to be rearranged...again...they're starting to look a bit out of sorts...and also dusty. And it looks like you missed the garbage a few times. And I think I recall you putting a sweater with your blouses when you should have hung it up with the other sweaters. A simple mistake, but you and I both know that that isn't allowed." 

Suddenly I spin around and every flaw that causes disorder or clutter in my room stands out like a sore thumb. "I see your point." I admit. 

"I'll get the music." My brain says as I begin my late-night cleansing.

This is not a joke.

I have done this about a dozen times in my adult life. My mom has caught me a few times at around 1:30 in the morning with every single one of my books pulled off of their shelves, stacked in massive, teetering towers around me on the floor as I'm scrubbing off scuff marks, bending back bent corner pages and dusting the shelves. I even once spent an entire night, cataloging my books. I still own that catalog, I update it about once a month because I'm a book hoarder and keep buying more books!

I don't particularly like clutter, but I live with it because I'm a lazy person on most days. Then I suddenly get that one day of inspiration to clean everything. I'll add knick knacks and trinkets onto my shelf and then a month later they gnaw on my nerves and I have to remove and rearrange.

Just ask some of my friends. In junior high, I once went over to my friends house to hang out and ended up cleaning her room. It became an inside joke between us that it was my job to clean her room and we laugh about it still today. I just can't stand a mess for long periods of time, okay? Blame my mother for making me this way!

So I forewarn you, if I see a mess, I will clean it mercilessly. It helps me sleep at night.


<<Collector of 'Doll' Things>>
Coincidentally many of the things I collect include the word "doll" in it. Think I'm joking? I collect anything and everything Goo Goo Dolls related, as all you lovely people know. They're my favourite band, I must have anything I can get about them. Even their first albums, even though they aren't all that good.

 I also have been collecting Paper Dolls since I was in elementary school. I have quite and extensive collection. I don't like many people touching them though. Their paper and I don't want anyone to rip them but me.

I also collect just dolls in particular. Not the creepy porcelain kind - although you may argue that the dolls I collect are equally as creepy - but like legitimate play dolls. Monster High, Ever After High, Barbie, I collect my particular favourites of these. Do I play with them? No, I don't. Do I put them on my shelf and look at them? Creepily, I must admit yes. I am very picky about which ones I collect. I prefer dolls with some unique feature that makes them unique from the generic Barbie doll, with a unique face mold or skin tone.

I also like to repair, remodel and experiment with these dolls. I occasionally visit thrift stores and find love-worn dolls to adopt for a short time to restore them. I give their hair a good soak, sometimes even going so far as to use the boiling method to get the kink and gnarls out of the hair. I've even done a couple re-rooting projects where I completely give the doll an entirely new hairdo. I buy them a new outfit and then donate them back to the thrift store so some little girl can have a dream come true doll to love.

See? I totally wasn't kidding about the 'doll' thing.

I also collect tea, mugs, and candles. Do I have enough room for these things? No, I do not, which is why my mugs take up nearly all of the shelves in the spare room in our house.


<<Eclectic Taste in Pop Culture>>
If you choose to live with me, you will find that my taste in movies, music, and television is a wide range. I jump from one genre to the next as quickly as a popping balloon. There will never be consistency with my taste. And I am convinced that everything I love is stellar. I mean we can all agree that Jim Henson's Labyrinth is the best film ever made.......right?

And when a movie is playing that I want you to watch I have 100% expectation that you put that phone away and watch this amazing movie with me. But I am also a total hypocrite and will most absolutely be on my phone when we watch one of your movies that I'm not super interested in.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who sing in the shower with my speakers playing full blast along with me. You will - unfortunately - hear my bipolar iPod nearly every night. I can't wait for the day you hear me singing along to a Bollywood song.


<<Friends>>
Dear roommate, you should know that I have a lot of friends. Many who do not hang around the same circles as you. With being involved in church functions since I was a child, and being raised in the same town my entire life, I have made many lifelong friends I've known since we were in 1st grade together, some I've known since junior high, others I've developed friendships in my adulthood. Each is unique and beautiful in their own way and I love all of my friends dearly.

And here is the truth, I have some friends that may not get along, that you may not get along with. But know that all these people are dear friends to me and I will invite them in for crumpets and tea whether you like it or not. (Yes crumpets and tea will become a thing when I get my own apartment, be ready).

<<Google till I Am Right>>
My friends will attest to this probably the most vocally. If I think I'm right over something, I will research my entire life away until I know that I am right. I can't let something go when I know that it's wrong and I will dig until my point it proven. It's a prideful thing that I unfortunately don't think I can ever let go.

I believe in thorough research before ever giving information (even though I'm a hypocrite and spread false information probably all of the time). So if I am ever aware of incorrect or potential falsities being spread around, I have to find a credible source to inform the other person that they are in fact wrong and I am in fact right.

I don't try to be rude about it, but I honestly love to know what the truth is and will research and read and dig until I learn what the exact truth is, but it unfortunately comes across as rather annoying to many of my friend.


<<Strange Habits and Quirky Traits>>
I bite my nails.
I never ever untie my tennis shoes.
I don't push all my toothpaste up to the top of the tube because I'm lazy.
I don't clip my toe nails as often as I should.
I like to pop zits.
I hate bent corners in any book.
I will judge and critique any grocery store (specifically the produce department) because my time at Wangsgards has forever changed me.
I am majorly indecisive and will always answer with "I don't care, it's whatever you want." and then proceed to whine that you picked the one thing that I didn't want.
I will force you to watch the first episode of Winx Club at least once and will sadly accept that I am the only die-hard out there (besides Kadi).
I have about a dozen fictional boyfriends and I will tell you about all of them at some point and you will know why I am single.
I'll also complain that I'm such a poor college student and then go and buy $30 worth of video games or books (it was a really good deal on a really rare video game, okay?) and then I'll end up wearing worn jeans for the next month because that $30 was supposed to be for a new pair of pants.
I detest tomatoes and Maximum Ride.
Only half of my jokes are funny.
I don't like people touching me without consent so don't do it. That's not to say I don't mind hugs and touchy stuff, but I just need to be aware of it before you do it or I need to initiate the touching.
I don't like sharing my stuff with people. Even when I offer it to you, I don't actually want to give it to you.
When I have a cold, I watch "Father Goose" with the lovely Cary Grant in it. It has strangely become the movie I watch whenever I am sick.

I'm sure there are plenty more unsavory things about me that you'll discover as my roommate, whoever you may be. But now you all know just what you are getting into, so when you want to move out because I Googled about whether the White Witch was actually in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader book or if it was just artistic license from the movie director, I will remind you that I warned you about that and you knew what you agreed to.

P.S. The White Witch does not reappear in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, that's all just Hollywood.