It has been so long since I last felt the urge to write like this. The last posts I have written have been jammed into the last ten minutes of class before I head off to work, they are usually squeezed out of my brain and dribbled onto the screen with very little inspiration fueling the work.
Tonight is different.
I'm dressed in my PJs with my oversized green headphones on to block out any nightly noises except for the relaxing sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard. There is a single lamp on in my room and the rest of my house is in darkness. Everyone is asleep. I am the only one awake and my mind is whirring with excitement, joy and the fuel of inspiration. There is no time for sleep when words must be written.
I spent this beautiful Sunday morning watching YouTube. It is a habit that I spend my Sunday mornings catching up on the virtual world. I immerse myself with real people and I spend ten or so minutes with them, seeing their life. Some would see this as a waste of time, but I constantly find it to be a blessing. When I see a YouTuber stepping outside of their front door and living, it makes me want to live. It makes me want to change things in my life so that I can do the same things as them. It led me to tearing my room apart and reorganizing it. It led me to clearing and throwing away all of the useless knick-knacks and it led me to returning my room from a tornado recovery victim to a haven for inspiration.
There are so many things to be happy about, even amidst these hard times. My future is entirely uncertain, my body is entirely out of shape, and my job is entirely stressful, but I found that today I had never felt happier. I felt happy to be able to spend the day worshiping my Lord and Savior. I felt happy meeting a complete stranger at church and feeling like I was the most valuable person in the world when I talked to her. I feel happy right now, here in my bedroom, surrounded by my haven of books. I feel happy to know that tomorrow is the start of a brand new week and that each day is an opportunity and a brand new start.
I feel so happy to know that I have a Lord and Saviour who died for me so that I could feel right now this joy. I've never felt so much anxiety for the future, but I've also never so at peace about it at the same time. I have faith that as long as I align my goals with Christ, there will be no need to fear for the future. I receive so much comfort from this. Some people may seem it to be foolish to place so much faith in a being that is so physically absent, but without it, I would be a mess. I'm happier being the fool than losing myself to the pains and fears of the world.
Whether you believe in God, in Krishna, Buddha or in no spiritual being at all, I hope that you can find the peace that you seek at this time. Hold to the small things in life that inspire you to find joy. Relish in the small and simple things in life and take it one day at a time. Times are hard and it's possible that they may continue to spiral downwards, but that gives us no reason to stand down or to give up. We alone have the strength and ability to press onward, we alone have the ability to let hope and faith guide us or leave it by the wayside. Will you choose to give up or stand up?
