2017: Unregrettable #CGforever

I look back on 2016 with many regrets.

I regret that I didn't brush and floss my teeth every day, I regret that I didn't go to the gym (like, ever), I regret staying up late. The list could go on for a painfully long time.

Needless to say, there are hundreds upon hundreds of things I would love to change and improve upon and alter in this new year. 2017 sounds weird in my mouth, it sounds unfamiliar and a bit fuzzy and vague. 2016, I felt excited about 2016, but I've been humbled a lot and now I look at the future with numb apprehension. What if this is another year of mistakes and regrets? What if 2017 is going to be even more painful?

I am entirely inexperienced when it comes to dealing with losing a loved one. Both of my grandparents are alive, as are all of my aunts and uncles. Death is a bit of an obscurity to me. I'm not saying I haven't dealt with the sadness of losing someone, but I have not been felt the true grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one.

But on June 10th of 2016, I've never felt more grief in my entire life, all completely for someone I have never even met.

Christina Grimmie was born in New Jersey in March of 1994. She is the second of two children. I know nothing about her childhood, only that she loved her family, her two best friends, Jesus, video games, and music. She was incredibly talented with music and it's what some would call a gift. On July 19th, 2009, Christina Grimmie posted her first YouTube video under the channel name of zeldaxlove64. She sang "Don't Wanna Be Torn" by Hannah Montana with a Sonic the Hedgehog poster in the background. This gives a small idea of the kind of person Christina was. Fast Forward a few years, and Christina Grimmie had formed a faithfully loyal following, christened Team Grimmie. I discovered her in 2011, with the release of her EP "Find Me," and like how every fan will begin their tale, "I was drawn to her instantly."

Christina currently has 227 videos and 3,829,606 subscribers. She competed in the sixth season of The Voice and placed in third. She has toured with Selena Gomez, collaborated with multiple artists, released two EPS and one album, and debuted in 2016's film, The Matchbreaker. She made a name for herself and become an inspiration to young adults and teenagers across the globe.

Christina Grimmie became somewhat of an obsession for me. I religiously watched her videos from then on and supported her in her endeavors. There was no other artist out there that I had related to so deeply. She was a devout Christian, and a firm believer in Christ, but she was also a total nerd. Her favourite video game  was Zelda and her favourite movie was Lord of the Rings. How could I not love this girl? Being only a few years older than me, I clung onto her like an online older sister. I styled her hair like her, I bought bright neon green headphones just like hers (I'm on my third pair right now) and I memorized every word to her Above All That Is Random songs.

She treated her fans like family, we had a hand sign (\l/ Rawwk fingers \I/), and Christina never called us fans, but frands. We were her fan friends. She never seemed to be down and her music, whether it was original or a cover, filled my soul with something so joyous and uplifting. I felt like I knew her even when I knew nothing about her. I had made a goal to meet her one day, to see her sing live on stage and sing her songs with her and I had dreamed to tell her just how much she inspired me to be the person I am.

You can already tell this story is not going to end well.

On June 10th of 2016, Christina Grimmie was shot and killed after a live show. She was meeting her fans when the shooter faced her and shot her. The shooter was seized by her brother, Mark, before anyone else was hurt, but for Christina, it was too late.

For a moment, my life crumbled when I heard the news. How could someone who was so pure, so inspiring, so good be given this destiny? Why, after all of the hard work she has done, after all of the good and wonderful accomplishments did it have to end like this? How was this fair, when she was so young? How was it okay to say goodbye to someone who was such an example to me.

Her death has haunted me for the past seven months. I still am seized with an incomprehensible sense of sadness that I can't control whenever I see her or hear her voice. She never met me and I never met her, but somehow her life was branded onto my soul and I won't ever forget her. Her songs are her legacy, and they sound so different to me, they mean something different now that she is gone.

A lot of terrible things happened in 2016 following and preceding Christina's death; many tragic things. Most did not happen to me directly, but it does not mean it did not affect me, or the world for that matter. I think we can all say that looking at 2016, we won't miss it too much. We won't miss all of the death, the tragedies, the lack of empathy, the politics, the contention and war. There is so much more to come, I know, but I hope that it comes a bit more gracefully from now on.

With Christina's passing, the concept of time and just how short our lives can be has plagued my nightmares. How much time do I have left on this world? And am I spending it wisely?

It's possible that Christina may have had some regrets, but I believe that it is more likely that she would say that her life was unregrettable. She fulfilled a dream of inspiring people while never lowering her standards or defacing her Christ and Savior. She created music and with that came her virtual inernet family. She even fell in love. She touched millions of lives, traveled the world, and had an amazing family. For someone so young, she still did so much, and had so little to be regretful of.

 For 2017, and possibly for my life I've made it a goal to make every day unregrettable. It's sort of like making every day unforgettable, but just with a bit more heart behind it, at least for me. I don't want my life to be cut short and realize that I didn't do anything to make a difference for myself or for others. I don't want my life story to be Kenra: the girl who started, but never finished. I want it to be Kenra: the girl with no regrets because she didn't stop trying.

2017 is going to be less about goals (although I do have them) and more about action, more about just going out and doing. Rather than thinking positively, act positively. It's turning dreams into reality. It's conquering the barricades that are in my way. It's living fearlessly and courageously. If Christina Grimmie could die with no regrets, I can certainly live with no regrets.

I dedicate 2017 to Christina and her legacy and I hold onto her values and her music to step towards the future. To her family and closely loved ones, I pray for you every day, and I love you for helping Christina to be the person she is, especially all of the Grimmie family. I know that Christina is in a much greater place now and where she is there is no pain, no tragedy or sorrow. She is ascended to a much more loving place, a paradise where her music can shake the heavenly rafters. I'm pretty sure that she is doing much better than everyone here on this world combined. She is with her Savior, where her heart has always been. You Rawwk Christina, I may not have met you in this life, but I know I will in the next.

And 2017, I'm ready for you, whatever may come, I don't plan to regret it.

Photo: christinagrimmie.com

To learn more about Christina check out her website and her channel.