Words Written: 4,071
Feeling: Depressed
This is the first time ever in my NaNoWriMo experience that I have ever felt this defeated before; and never have I felt the urge so strongly to delete what I wrote and just give up. I had a lot of goals and dream, a lot of optimism and hope, but not anymore. What I have written is worse than I could imagine, and I'm disappointed and downtrodden.
Is this even worth it? Is it worth it to put forth so much effort to get nothing in return? Is it worth it to know that in the end you'll just be embarrassed and ashamed by what you write?
I don't feel like a writer right now. I feel like a failure and I want to give up.
Even when I have been on the last week of NaNoWriMo with 6,000 words behind schedule, I still had the confidence and the willpower to keep writing. It's day two and I don't have either. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm not going to get better and I'm not going to impress anyone. It doesn't help that when I try to share a piece of my work, I get no response. Did you know I'm still waiting for that critique I mentioned in my blog post late September?
I won't give up yet. It's too early to stop when I've only just begun. I just hope tomorrow is a better day.
50,000...maybe coming soon...
November 2, 2016
November 1, 2016
NaNoWriMo 2016: Change is Scary
I hate how quickly inspiration fizzles out. I had so many plans this October for my blog and only completed one of them. On the bright side, November is here, it's a brand new month and a brand new day.
With November comes exciting times. For anyone that has known me for the past five years, you know that November is one of my favourite months of the year for one very big reason: NaNoWriMo!
Every year I dedicate myself to one story and write until ridiculous hours of the night to complete my goal. It's been nearly successful every year (except one) and I have so much fun juggling life and writing in such a squashed amount of time. It really keeps my on my toes.
The unfortunate thing about the past four years is this: none of the novels I have began are finished. After I reach 50,000 words I come to a stand-still and my creative juices run off the edge of a cliff. I reached the dead end and could go no further.
Upon discovering this I decided to study those four stories and then became crushingly depressed when I noticed that not one of my stories were different. They all fell under this trope of a high school/college girl getting swept up in a fantastical/mystical adventure. There was the quirky best friend, the sickeningly handsome love interest, and some sort of magical force directing my main character to her destiny.
When I found this connection I lost all hope in my skills as a writer. I would become that author they talk about where, "When you've read one, you've read them all." As an aspiring author, the worst insult I think I can get is hearing that my stories are too similar to read. To make it worse, I delved into all of my scribbled writings - the ones that aren't novels, but just loose ideas and concepts - and saw the same pattern. Magical girl, magical boy, touch of romance, not nearly enough peril or reality in it.
I was debating not doing NaNoWriMo this year because this realization had hit me rather hard. After a late night conversation with one of my friends, she had convinced me not to give up. We discussed the next day and decided to change this year's NaNoWriMo a bit. Neither of us were quite ready to commit to a full length novel with a brand new cast of characters and a plot line; so we created an alternative.
For NaNoWriMo 2016, we've given ourselves 27 story prompts of various genres. Each day, we pick a prompt and we write at least 2,000 based off of that prompt. We gave ourselves three cheat days where we can write whatever we want, so if I wanted to, I can work on a previous novel and get a few things tweaked and ironed out. Picking out the prompts was a journey and really hard because I naturally would pick the magical themed prompts and my friend would try to pick something outside my comfort zone. I felt like a rotten child whining about how I didn't like the prompts but in the end, she won and I have a lot of interesting prompts that I am honestly so frightened of.
So National Novel Writing Month is going to be an interesting year. I hope that this year is as successful as I hope it is. I have a big goal and a dream to improve my skills. October was one of the hardest and worst months of this year because I wasn't able to write anything and I had suddenly lost all confidence in my work which led me to lose hope in myself and in my dreams. My hope is that NaNoWriMo will help me get back up on my feet and regain that confidence and that I can become better.
50,000 words...coming soon...
With November comes exciting times. For anyone that has known me for the past five years, you know that November is one of my favourite months of the year for one very big reason: NaNoWriMo!
Every year I dedicate myself to one story and write until ridiculous hours of the night to complete my goal. It's been nearly successful every year (except one) and I have so much fun juggling life and writing in such a squashed amount of time. It really keeps my on my toes.
The unfortunate thing about the past four years is this: none of the novels I have began are finished. After I reach 50,000 words I come to a stand-still and my creative juices run off the edge of a cliff. I reached the dead end and could go no further.
Upon discovering this I decided to study those four stories and then became crushingly depressed when I noticed that not one of my stories were different. They all fell under this trope of a high school/college girl getting swept up in a fantastical/mystical adventure. There was the quirky best friend, the sickeningly handsome love interest, and some sort of magical force directing my main character to her destiny.
When I found this connection I lost all hope in my skills as a writer. I would become that author they talk about where, "When you've read one, you've read them all." As an aspiring author, the worst insult I think I can get is hearing that my stories are too similar to read. To make it worse, I delved into all of my scribbled writings - the ones that aren't novels, but just loose ideas and concepts - and saw the same pattern. Magical girl, magical boy, touch of romance, not nearly enough peril or reality in it.
I was debating not doing NaNoWriMo this year because this realization had hit me rather hard. After a late night conversation with one of my friends, she had convinced me not to give up. We discussed the next day and decided to change this year's NaNoWriMo a bit. Neither of us were quite ready to commit to a full length novel with a brand new cast of characters and a plot line; so we created an alternative.
For NaNoWriMo 2016, we've given ourselves 27 story prompts of various genres. Each day, we pick a prompt and we write at least 2,000 based off of that prompt. We gave ourselves three cheat days where we can write whatever we want, so if I wanted to, I can work on a previous novel and get a few things tweaked and ironed out. Picking out the prompts was a journey and really hard because I naturally would pick the magical themed prompts and my friend would try to pick something outside my comfort zone. I felt like a rotten child whining about how I didn't like the prompts but in the end, she won and I have a lot of interesting prompts that I am honestly so frightened of.
So National Novel Writing Month is going to be an interesting year. I hope that this year is as successful as I hope it is. I have a big goal and a dream to improve my skills. October was one of the hardest and worst months of this year because I wasn't able to write anything and I had suddenly lost all confidence in my work which led me to lose hope in myself and in my dreams. My hope is that NaNoWriMo will help me get back up on my feet and regain that confidence and that I can become better.
50,000 words...coming soon...
October 3, 2016
Mistakes Have Been Made
I did a terrible thing.
To begin this terrible tale, let me give you a small background. My phone is dying, it is a slug. I thought it would be a brilliant idea to clean out my phone a bit. When I saw a folder that had supposedly not been touched since 2013 with lots old photos of Winx Club in it I figured the rest of it must be equally as useless and clicked the delete button without scrolling down further. APPARENTLY, that folder was the folder that contained nearly all of my blog photos, so when I go onto my blog I find error images scattered throughout every page.
Needless to say, I have some regrets in my decision.
So while everything looks pretty normal now, I'll point out to you that there are posts only available from this year. I don't have the photos from 2013 anymore so I will be spending some time with my older posts to have them returned to their former glory so rather than have you look at junky error pictures I decided to revert them to drafts to give me some time to work on them. On the bright side, this has given me the opportunity to clean out and delete those embarrassing blog posts from three years ago It's crazy to think how immature I was just three years ago. That really isn't a whole lot of time you know.
So wish me the best of luck on my journey to beauty and perfection on this blog!
With Love,
Kenra Cook
To begin this terrible tale, let me give you a small background. My phone is dying, it is a slug. I thought it would be a brilliant idea to clean out my phone a bit. When I saw a folder that had supposedly not been touched since 2013 with lots old photos of Winx Club in it I figured the rest of it must be equally as useless and clicked the delete button without scrolling down further. APPARENTLY, that folder was the folder that contained nearly all of my blog photos, so when I go onto my blog I find error images scattered throughout every page.
Needless to say, I have some regrets in my decision.
So while everything looks pretty normal now, I'll point out to you that there are posts only available from this year. I don't have the photos from 2013 anymore so I will be spending some time with my older posts to have them returned to their former glory so rather than have you look at junky error pictures I decided to revert them to drafts to give me some time to work on them. On the bright side, this has given me the opportunity to clean out and delete those embarrassing blog posts from three years ago It's crazy to think how immature I was just three years ago. That really isn't a whole lot of time you know.
So wish me the best of luck on my journey to beauty and perfection on this blog!
With Love,
Kenra Cook
September 13, 2016
Barbie Star Light Adventure
I spent the evening with my fave girl, Barbie. You would assume that most twenty-year olds have grown out of such things. This twenty-year old has not; along with my best friend Kadi, but you already knew that.
In this galaxy, they are governed by King Constantine, a strict, play-by-the-rule-book sort of guy, very uppity and staunch. The stars are slowly blinking out and fading to nothing. If it is not reversed, the galaxy will die. Constantine searches for gifted youth to aid him on a mission to travel to the center of Home Planet and restore the stars and their light to the galaxy. Naturally, Barbie is selected to go on the mission for her natural gift on the hoverboard.
Leaving her forested planet and father behind, Barbie joins forces with four other gifted teenagers. Sal-lee is a champion hoverboard competitor, she's fast and is a no-nonsense kind of girl. Kareena and Sheena are two telepathic twin sisters that can manipulate gravity. Kareena lightens objects while Sheena weighs them down. They're energetic and easily the happiest characters in the show. Lastly, Prince Leo, he's a pilot and an engineer with a ridiculous love for food.
Would I watch this movie again? Most definitely. I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of this movie. Every second of the film is just so full of vibrant color and texture. There is so much to look and ogle at. The music throughout the movie is excellent. While not featured in the film, there is a song that plays in the credit that features Lindsey Stirling on the violin. It's my favourite song from the movie.
Just today, Mattel released the latest Barbie film, titled Barbie: Star Light Adventure.
Just take a look at this:
Barbie lives on a preserve planet called Para-Den where her father and mother studied and cared for the creatures there. Barbie's mother had passed away, but her father remained on Para-Den to continue her work. I found that to be very cool. The film begins in a lush green forest on an Para-Den. You are suddenly thrown into a whirling ride as Barbie zooms through the forest on her hover board. After a careless crash, you discover that Barbie has a magical ability to move things through her mind and voice. That's important, obviously.
 |
| Leo, Barbie, Sal-Lee, Sheena, and Kareena |
The film shows their progression from strangers to friends as they train and prepare for their mission. In that time, Barbie has to learn whether to trust her heart and break away from Constatine's strict plan or to fall into obedience even if she may not agree with Constantine's plan. I'll keep the solution a secret since I don't want to spoil everything.
I'd have to say that this movie may be in my top five Barbie films. It's lighthearted, but also maintains a continuous plot line. There are diverse characters, great character development for certain characters, and a subtle but important message.
This is a film I highly recommend to anyone who even has the slightest appreciation for Barbie. It's a winner in my eyes.
Oh and to all my die-hard Barbie fans wondering if the transformation sequence at the end was good, let me just tell you, I think it was both mine and Kadi's favourite.
To The School Quitters
Dear Students of All Forms and Types:
Unless you're school is like mine, you've had three months free of any sort of educational responsibility. Summer is what some people call it. But now the bells are ringing, the buses are revving their engines. Walmart has been cleaned of any cute folders, pencils, and notebooks, leaving only yellow legal pads and the notebooks and file folders from the cartoon that unfortunately no one likes. There's a sort of smell in the air that comes around every August, the smell of a new school year. Squeaky clean and brand new shoes mixed with never before worn cotton shirts and stiff and very tight denim jeans.
For those who are returning to the new school year, I welcome you. Now is the opportunity to learn great things. It sucks because you have to take tests on all of that awesome stuff and sometimes the teacher isn't who you hoped, but you are still given an opportunity to learn. For some of you who are more artistic, you are given the opportunity to create. For those who like to sweat, you are given the opportunity to work with a team and compete in a variety of sports. Go get 'em and keep your head in the game.
Unfortunately, this post isn't about all of those kids returning to school. It's about all of those high school graduates who are not returning to school. Whether it be because of work, money, or you just don't know what you want to do yet, it doesn't matter. This post is for you.
When I graduated high school I was determined to be like everybody else. I was going to enjoy the summer and than join the big league university world that I had heard so much about. It was a mixture of apprehension and excitement, but mostly apprehension. I was dependent on only myself to pay for schooling and I still had no idea what I really wanted to do. I had hoped that all of those tests I took my senior year would help me narrow down my options. The only result I ever got was "You're so well-rounded, you can pursue any career you want." While I was pleased to know that I had received a well-rounded education and well-rounded career skills, it still did not help me to know what to do with my life, or how I was going to even begin.
So I enrolled at Weber State in graphic design. It seemed like an alright place to start. I met with my counselors and they helped me get enrolled. I went to orientation, I toured the school, I even got my student ID card. It should have been so exciting, but I was beginning to dread school. Reading over the cost of school and comparing it to the money I didn't have, I suddenly felt panicked at the realization that I could never afford college. (I was a bit melodramatic back then).
So I quit. Dropped out. Removed myself from the equation. Gave up. However you want to say it, I did. I reasoned that I would go back to University, just when I had the money. The plan was to work for one semester, and then start at the beginning of the new year. The new year came and the new year went. I started a new position at my job and began to work more hours and I was scared to go back.
At the same time, I felt like such an outcast. While all of my friends were deeply involved in their freshmen year of college, I was filling produce in a grocery store. When I'd meet friends and neighbors and update them on my life it felt like they plastered on a smile for me and pretended to be pleased for me and my decision. I'd hear the talk about how an education was the most important thing I could. I'd hear about how this person's child was blossoming in their freshmen year of college, I'd go onto social media and see all of the college selfies. I felt like I had uninvited myself from the biggest thing I could be involved in and it made me feel three inches tall.
I'm so grateful to my mom, who never gave up on me. She respected my decision and supported me; but she also knew that I'd need a push to start up again. She was the voice of reason in my melodramatic world of teen drama. She pushed me to save my money, to think about what I wanted to do. I wouldn't be where I was without her loving discipline.
On my way to work I would drive by the Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College. Most days, it blended into the bland scenery and meant nothing to me. Except one special day, it caught my eye. I had never considered that maybe there was another option besides university. I didn't know a thing about the ATC but I thought it would be worth a shot to look into.
Long story short, I enrolled and am now a current graphic design student. Since then, my life has flourished. I didn't realize just how sucky my life was when I was stagnant, but I'm not saying that the decision I made was a bad decision either. In fact I'm writing this post to encourage anyone who is taking a 'gap' year in college.
If any of you graduates feel like you aren't ready to start. Don't. It isn't worth spending a semester or a year's worth of college if you aren't even sure of what you are going to do. Studies have even shown that taking a break after high school isn't as bad as everyone thinks it is. Take a look at this article from Time. It says that sometimes it is more beneficial to take a gap year of college. It matures you, and gives you the perspective you need to be committed to the work you want to start. Some universities even encourage gap years by giving scholarships for when you return.
I can attest to the truth that when you take a break, it matures you. I know that if I had gone straight to college right after high school, I would have wasted not only my money, but my time and my energy. Having taken a year off I was able to develop skills that I wasn't able to in high school. I grew more comfortable around people. I developed a love for service and I realized that I loved being creative. It was during my gap year that I began my 365 day journal which I poured my heart into every day, creating something beautiful to behold every single day. It prepared me for the work I would be doing now in school.
There is no need to feel like you have to take off engines roaring and fired up right after high school. It isn't necessary to burn yourself out like that. If you need time to discover yourself, time to discover what you want to do, and time to save money for schooling, do it. People will disagree with you, I guarantee it, but as long as you have the intention of becoming something better, you aren't doing anything wrong.
My brain is a bit scattered and I hope that I expressed everything I wanted to today. This topic is so important to me, because I find I am so much happier than I imagined doing what I love and being in a place where I am comfortably paying my tuition on my own and still being able to learn what I want to. No one should feel like they're being pulled their way through school, not when this is about pursuing your dreams.
I wish students and 'gap' students the best of luck on their journey of discovery, because whether you are in school or taking a semester off, you are both discovering incredible things. Neither one of you are less or greater than the other and you both have such amazing things ahead of you. I wish you all the best. Safe journeying.
-Kenra
Unless you're school is like mine, you've had three months free of any sort of educational responsibility. Summer is what some people call it. But now the bells are ringing, the buses are revving their engines. Walmart has been cleaned of any cute folders, pencils, and notebooks, leaving only yellow legal pads and the notebooks and file folders from the cartoon that unfortunately no one likes. There's a sort of smell in the air that comes around every August, the smell of a new school year. Squeaky clean and brand new shoes mixed with never before worn cotton shirts and stiff and very tight denim jeans.
For those who are returning to the new school year, I welcome you. Now is the opportunity to learn great things. It sucks because you have to take tests on all of that awesome stuff and sometimes the teacher isn't who you hoped, but you are still given an opportunity to learn. For some of you who are more artistic, you are given the opportunity to create. For those who like to sweat, you are given the opportunity to work with a team and compete in a variety of sports. Go get 'em and keep your head in the game.
Unfortunately, this post isn't about all of those kids returning to school. It's about all of those high school graduates who are not returning to school. Whether it be because of work, money, or you just don't know what you want to do yet, it doesn't matter. This post is for you.
When I graduated high school I was determined to be like everybody else. I was going to enjoy the summer and than join the big league university world that I had heard so much about. It was a mixture of apprehension and excitement, but mostly apprehension. I was dependent on only myself to pay for schooling and I still had no idea what I really wanted to do. I had hoped that all of those tests I took my senior year would help me narrow down my options. The only result I ever got was "You're so well-rounded, you can pursue any career you want." While I was pleased to know that I had received a well-rounded education and well-rounded career skills, it still did not help me to know what to do with my life, or how I was going to even begin.
So I enrolled at Weber State in graphic design. It seemed like an alright place to start. I met with my counselors and they helped me get enrolled. I went to orientation, I toured the school, I even got my student ID card. It should have been so exciting, but I was beginning to dread school. Reading over the cost of school and comparing it to the money I didn't have, I suddenly felt panicked at the realization that I could never afford college. (I was a bit melodramatic back then).
So I quit. Dropped out. Removed myself from the equation. Gave up. However you want to say it, I did. I reasoned that I would go back to University, just when I had the money. The plan was to work for one semester, and then start at the beginning of the new year. The new year came and the new year went. I started a new position at my job and began to work more hours and I was scared to go back.
At the same time, I felt like such an outcast. While all of my friends were deeply involved in their freshmen year of college, I was filling produce in a grocery store. When I'd meet friends and neighbors and update them on my life it felt like they plastered on a smile for me and pretended to be pleased for me and my decision. I'd hear the talk about how an education was the most important thing I could. I'd hear about how this person's child was blossoming in their freshmen year of college, I'd go onto social media and see all of the college selfies. I felt like I had uninvited myself from the biggest thing I could be involved in and it made me feel three inches tall.
I'm so grateful to my mom, who never gave up on me. She respected my decision and supported me; but she also knew that I'd need a push to start up again. She was the voice of reason in my melodramatic world of teen drama. She pushed me to save my money, to think about what I wanted to do. I wouldn't be where I was without her loving discipline.
On my way to work I would drive by the Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College. Most days, it blended into the bland scenery and meant nothing to me. Except one special day, it caught my eye. I had never considered that maybe there was another option besides university. I didn't know a thing about the ATC but I thought it would be worth a shot to look into.
Long story short, I enrolled and am now a current graphic design student. Since then, my life has flourished. I didn't realize just how sucky my life was when I was stagnant, but I'm not saying that the decision I made was a bad decision either. In fact I'm writing this post to encourage anyone who is taking a 'gap' year in college.
If any of you graduates feel like you aren't ready to start. Don't. It isn't worth spending a semester or a year's worth of college if you aren't even sure of what you are going to do. Studies have even shown that taking a break after high school isn't as bad as everyone thinks it is. Take a look at this article from Time. It says that sometimes it is more beneficial to take a gap year of college. It matures you, and gives you the perspective you need to be committed to the work you want to start. Some universities even encourage gap years by giving scholarships for when you return.
I can attest to the truth that when you take a break, it matures you. I know that if I had gone straight to college right after high school, I would have wasted not only my money, but my time and my energy. Having taken a year off I was able to develop skills that I wasn't able to in high school. I grew more comfortable around people. I developed a love for service and I realized that I loved being creative. It was during my gap year that I began my 365 day journal which I poured my heart into every day, creating something beautiful to behold every single day. It prepared me for the work I would be doing now in school.
There is no need to feel like you have to take off engines roaring and fired up right after high school. It isn't necessary to burn yourself out like that. If you need time to discover yourself, time to discover what you want to do, and time to save money for schooling, do it. People will disagree with you, I guarantee it, but as long as you have the intention of becoming something better, you aren't doing anything wrong.
My brain is a bit scattered and I hope that I expressed everything I wanted to today. This topic is so important to me, because I find I am so much happier than I imagined doing what I love and being in a place where I am comfortably paying my tuition on my own and still being able to learn what I want to. No one should feel like they're being pulled their way through school, not when this is about pursuing your dreams.
I wish students and 'gap' students the best of luck on their journey of discovery, because whether you are in school or taking a semester off, you are both discovering incredible things. Neither one of you are less or greater than the other and you both have such amazing things ahead of you. I wish you all the best. Safe journeying.
-Kenra
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