Podcast Recommendations

If you enjoy being entertained by your ears only, welcome! I do too! At my current job, I'm able to listen to music or podcasts between phone calls. I almost never listen to music. For some reason, music is more distracting than podcasts. I'm probably a newbie when it comes to Podcasts, but I thought that I would share what podcasts I've listened to and continue to listen to that I think are worth sharing.

//Pop Culture Happy Hour
This was the podcast that started it all. My sister mentioned it a few years back and I would listen to it on my drives to and from Wangsgards. One time it was what kept me awake on the long drive to Ephraim.

This podcast is just what it sounds like. Each hour long episode features some pop culture related subject. Nobody is drinking, but they might as well be as Linda Holmes, Stephen Thompson, and Glen Weldon and their ever-changing guests talk about a little bit of everything and anything. If you are looking for a well-organized and professionally produced podcast that talks about a broad range of pop culture subjects, this is the podcast you are looking for. They review the most up-to-date films in theaters, they attend film and music festivals. Stephen Thompson will tell you about anything old-school video games or Simpsons related. Linda Holmes will make up games for her fellow hosts to play which Glen is allows very good at.

Linda, Stephen and Glen at a live show.

If you start from the beginning, you will also be introduced to a previous host Trey Graham who was an expert on operas and rather unknown, foreign and unappreciated films. He has now moved on to another phase in his life, but we love him still the same.

//Welcome to Nightvale
I've known about this podcast for a long a time, but I didn't get into it until my best friend Ky, told me to listen to it.

Twice a month, tune your radio to the small town of Nightvale's community radio station with their infamous host Cecil Palmer. His voice is unforgettably present as he updates you on all of the strange happenings in Nightvale. Become acquainted with The Sheriff's Secret Police, expendable interns, dark hooded figures, the faceless Old Woman and the beautiful scientist Carlos and his perfect hair. Become involved in cultural events like Street Cleaning Day and The Summer Reading Program and find out who survives, and who doesn't. And of course, enjoy the weather report which is really just a musical number by an undiscovered musical artist.

This podcast is dark, humorous, and sometimes a bit eerie, but it is thoroughly entertaining and grips you both in the heart and the mind. It can be suspenseful, it can be hilarious and it can be tender. I've found myself laughing aloud when Cecil breaks away from the news to interject a personal opinion and then suddenly gripping my steering wheel wondering what is going to happen next (Just wait until you get to the Sandstorm). There is a reason why this podcast has been on air since 2012, it's a timeless and one-of-a-kind tale.

Cecil Baldwin playing Cecil Gershwin Palmer

I've been to a live show of this podcast and it was one of the best things I've ever seen live. Cecil in real life was incredible. Totally unregrettable.

In case you didn't realize, this podcast is totally real.

//Lore
Listen to the calming voice of Aaron Mahnke as he weaves a tale of frightening bits of our History. Learn about different vampires that have supposedly existed in world history, about haunted cemeteries, demons that roam the land and unnatural phenomenons that have occurred in the U.S. and beyond. This is a mixture of history and the supernatural. One episode you can learn about survivors of freezing conditions in Maine and then suddenly the next episode you'll learn about the evil trickster fairies that live on Greenland. If you can't handle the murky and dark bits of stories, this podcast is not for you. But if you enjoy the idea of "what if this were real?" and the thrill of hearing such dark tales, then please, give this podcast a try.

The face of the gentle voice of Aaron Mahnke

I actually sometimes listen to this story when I go to bed. Aaron's voice is so gentle and soft, I fall asleep easily to it. Thankfully, I haven't had any nightmares because of it yet.

Is this podcast fiction or non-fiction? No one really knows...

//Plumbing the Deathstar
Warning: this podcast is explicit. Imagine three immature adult New Zealander Men - Joel, Joel and Jackson - talking about various bits of pop culture; mainly comic books, Star Wars, and Video Games. They ask important questions like Why is Hyrule so Easy to Conquer?, Why Hasn't Hogwarts been Shut Down?, Is Everyone Okay with the Truman Show? and Are Muppets Second Class Citizens?

This podcast is rowdy, irreverent, crude, but so hilariously zany. I can't stop myself from playing the next episode even though I feel a rush of guilt for listening to something so crude and terrible. I probably love this podcast more than a good Mormon girl like myself should.

If you don't mind the language and the eye-rolling man's sense of humor. Give this podcast a try.

//Spilled Milk
If you like food, this podcast is literally just about food. Hosts Matthew Amster-Burton and Molly Wizenberg talk begin each podcast with a food-related subject and then they just run with it. Subject like Winter Squash, Romantic Food, Scary Food and Muffins. Sometimes they'll make food, sometimes they'll eat food.

Molly and Matthew

It's another one-of-a-kind podcast that has easily become one of my favourites. It's light, it's funny, and it's about food. What's not to like?

//My Favorite Murder
Warning: This podcast is explicit. Two women talk about their favorite obsession: murder. Every week, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark talk about their favorite solved or unsolved murders that have happened throughout history. It's chillingly dark, and it makes you as paranoid as snot, but it's incredibly entertaining at the same time. It's a comedy podcast thanks to Karen and Georgia's quips and remarks (which unfortunately include some sort of expletive), but it's also very informing and intriguing. If you like true crime or the suspense of unsolved murders, if you wonder to yourself, "Who could do this?" or "whodunnit?" this podcast is totally what you are looking for. It boggles my mind that there are so many stories of murders and while it is heart wrenching to face the harsh reality of what that means, I think it makes the questions all the more urgent to ask: how and why did this happen? And what would drive someone to commit such a crime?

Georgia and Karen

There are so many unsolved mysteries in the world and they intrigue me so much. Who knew murder could be so fascinating?

//You Must Remember This
Karina Longworth gives a weekly story about the secret or forgotten tales of 20th Century Hollywood. They can be methodical, they can be informative, they can be dark or disheartening. They can be all of they above. If you love the Golden Age of Hollywood and learning about obscure bits about that era, listen to this podcast. You'll learn about the most unappreciated record of Frank Sinatra, the tragic tale of Judy Garland and controversy revolved around Charlie Chaplin's most successful film.

Karina Longworth

This is a richly informative, professionally produced and heavily researched podcast and is mighty in its rich storytelling.

To My Future Roommate

I have had many people approach me recently telling me that they want me as their roommate. Some I think are said more out of politeness, but others genuinely want me to live with them. And that both amuses and terrifies me.

I've contemplated moving out, but I also just feel so silly when I get free rent, free food and a family who knows all of my quirks and roller coaster emotions and are able deal with me on a day to day basis. My friends know I'm a kook with an absurd sense of humor, they know I'm quirky, but I still wonder......do they really know?

So I thought I would make this easy for all of you interested in becoming my roommate, I have compiled a 100% honest - 0% exaggeration list of all of the things you probably should know before you think you can handle living with me.

I've even texted a few of my close friends and asked them for my bad habits, the truth hurts sometimes.

<< Book Hoarder>>
Let's just get this first thing off of my chest. I hoard, inhale, and absorb books like they were made of candy. Would you like to know just how many books I own? Actually...I would like to know too. Hold up a moment while I go count my books. (Chaotic scrambling and counting for 5 minutes). I own 446 books! I have so many books that I have stacks hiding in my closet!

I also have to confess that I collect duplicate books. It drives my mother nuts. I own two copies of the entire Tiger's Curse series by Colleen Houck (one in hardback, one in paperback), I own multiple editions of Avalon Web of Magic series by Rachel Roberts. And I own multiple editions of any Tolkien Book I can get my hands on. I currently own four different copies of the Two Towers. Apparently that's the first one to go when people sell their Tolkien books? I can't quite comprehend how someone could ever separate The Lord of the Rings apart like that, but I hope to someday reunite them.


<<Cleaning at Unsightly Hours>>
Dear future roommate: you should know that I have a tendency to do deep cleaning....at 11 at night or later. And once I get on a cleaning spree at night I don't usually stop until maybe 2 or even 3 in the morning to finish the darn thing.

Don't think that I don't let my room a bit cluttered, because I totally do, but then my brain reminds as I settle into my bed that I've left a mess about me.

"Kenra..." It says. "Kenra did you forget that you left your closet door open?"

I crack open my eyes and see the dark shadow of the abyss in my closet. I twitch with annoyance. "It's fine," I say. "It's not hurting anyone."

My brain chuckles. "But what about all of the clothes that are just on the floor....you do realize a hamper is for holding all of those clothes?"

Once again, I open my eyes and see the dark lumps on the floor of the clothes I've worn throughout the week. "Fine." I say. "I'll toss them in the hamper." I jump out of bed, gather up the clothes and dump them into the hamper. 

"Happy?" I ask. 

Brain shrugs. "I suppose. But I can't believe you didn't notice all of those papers strewn about your desk." 

I turn on a light and stare at my desk, sure enough, random sheets of paper are spread out haphazardly on my desk top along with scattered pens, pencils and remnants of a long ago craft project. 

"Doesn't it bother you that there is no semblance of order on your desk?" My brain prods at me. "And just look at your book shelf. Your books need to be rearranged...again...they're starting to look a bit out of sorts...and also dusty. And it looks like you missed the garbage a few times. And I think I recall you putting a sweater with your blouses when you should have hung it up with the other sweaters. A simple mistake, but you and I both know that that isn't allowed." 

Suddenly I spin around and every flaw that causes disorder or clutter in my room stands out like a sore thumb. "I see your point." I admit. 

"I'll get the music." My brain says as I begin my late-night cleansing.

This is not a joke.

I have done this about a dozen times in my adult life. My mom has caught me a few times at around 1:30 in the morning with every single one of my books pulled off of their shelves, stacked in massive, teetering towers around me on the floor as I'm scrubbing off scuff marks, bending back bent corner pages and dusting the shelves. I even once spent an entire night, cataloging my books. I still own that catalog, I update it about once a month because I'm a book hoarder and keep buying more books!

I don't particularly like clutter, but I live with it because I'm a lazy person on most days. Then I suddenly get that one day of inspiration to clean everything. I'll add knick knacks and trinkets onto my shelf and then a month later they gnaw on my nerves and I have to remove and rearrange.

Just ask some of my friends. In junior high, I once went over to my friends house to hang out and ended up cleaning her room. It became an inside joke between us that it was my job to clean her room and we laugh about it still today. I just can't stand a mess for long periods of time, okay? Blame my mother for making me this way!

So I forewarn you, if I see a mess, I will clean it mercilessly. It helps me sleep at night.


<<Collector of 'Doll' Things>>
Coincidentally many of the things I collect include the word "doll" in it. Think I'm joking? I collect anything and everything Goo Goo Dolls related, as all you lovely people know. They're my favourite band, I must have anything I can get about them. Even their first albums, even though they aren't all that good.

 I also have been collecting Paper Dolls since I was in elementary school. I have quite and extensive collection. I don't like many people touching them though. Their paper and I don't want anyone to rip them but me.

I also collect just dolls in particular. Not the creepy porcelain kind - although you may argue that the dolls I collect are equally as creepy - but like legitimate play dolls. Monster High, Ever After High, Barbie, I collect my particular favourites of these. Do I play with them? No, I don't. Do I put them on my shelf and look at them? Creepily, I must admit yes. I am very picky about which ones I collect. I prefer dolls with some unique feature that makes them unique from the generic Barbie doll, with a unique face mold or skin tone.

I also like to repair, remodel and experiment with these dolls. I occasionally visit thrift stores and find love-worn dolls to adopt for a short time to restore them. I give their hair a good soak, sometimes even going so far as to use the boiling method to get the kink and gnarls out of the hair. I've even done a couple re-rooting projects where I completely give the doll an entirely new hairdo. I buy them a new outfit and then donate them back to the thrift store so some little girl can have a dream come true doll to love.

See? I totally wasn't kidding about the 'doll' thing.

I also collect tea, mugs, and candles. Do I have enough room for these things? No, I do not, which is why my mugs take up nearly all of the shelves in the spare room in our house.


<<Eclectic Taste in Pop Culture>>
If you choose to live with me, you will find that my taste in movies, music, and television is a wide range. I jump from one genre to the next as quickly as a popping balloon. There will never be consistency with my taste. And I am convinced that everything I love is stellar. I mean we can all agree that Jim Henson's Labyrinth is the best film ever made.......right?

And when a movie is playing that I want you to watch I have 100% expectation that you put that phone away and watch this amazing movie with me. But I am also a total hypocrite and will most absolutely be on my phone when we watch one of your movies that I'm not super interested in.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who sing in the shower with my speakers playing full blast along with me. You will - unfortunately - hear my bipolar iPod nearly every night. I can't wait for the day you hear me singing along to a Bollywood song.


<<Friends>>
Dear roommate, you should know that I have a lot of friends. Many who do not hang around the same circles as you. With being involved in church functions since I was a child, and being raised in the same town my entire life, I have made many lifelong friends I've known since we were in 1st grade together, some I've known since junior high, others I've developed friendships in my adulthood. Each is unique and beautiful in their own way and I love all of my friends dearly.

And here is the truth, I have some friends that may not get along, that you may not get along with. But know that all these people are dear friends to me and I will invite them in for crumpets and tea whether you like it or not. (Yes crumpets and tea will become a thing when I get my own apartment, be ready).

<<Google till I Am Right>>
My friends will attest to this probably the most vocally. If I think I'm right over something, I will research my entire life away until I know that I am right. I can't let something go when I know that it's wrong and I will dig until my point it proven. It's a prideful thing that I unfortunately don't think I can ever let go.

I believe in thorough research before ever giving information (even though I'm a hypocrite and spread false information probably all of the time). So if I am ever aware of incorrect or potential falsities being spread around, I have to find a credible source to inform the other person that they are in fact wrong and I am in fact right.

I don't try to be rude about it, but I honestly love to know what the truth is and will research and read and dig until I learn what the exact truth is, but it unfortunately comes across as rather annoying to many of my friend.


<<Strange Habits and Quirky Traits>>
I bite my nails.
I never ever untie my tennis shoes.
I don't push all my toothpaste up to the top of the tube because I'm lazy.
I don't clip my toe nails as often as I should.
I like to pop zits.
I hate bent corners in any book.
I will judge and critique any grocery store (specifically the produce department) because my time at Wangsgards has forever changed me.
I am majorly indecisive and will always answer with "I don't care, it's whatever you want." and then proceed to whine that you picked the one thing that I didn't want.
I will force you to watch the first episode of Winx Club at least once and will sadly accept that I am the only die-hard out there (besides Kadi).
I have about a dozen fictional boyfriends and I will tell you about all of them at some point and you will know why I am single.
I'll also complain that I'm such a poor college student and then go and buy $30 worth of video games or books (it was a really good deal on a really rare video game, okay?) and then I'll end up wearing worn jeans for the next month because that $30 was supposed to be for a new pair of pants.
I detest tomatoes and Maximum Ride.
Only half of my jokes are funny.
I don't like people touching me without consent so don't do it. That's not to say I don't mind hugs and touchy stuff, but I just need to be aware of it before you do it or I need to initiate the touching.
I don't like sharing my stuff with people. Even when I offer it to you, I don't actually want to give it to you.
When I have a cold, I watch "Father Goose" with the lovely Cary Grant in it. It has strangely become the movie I watch whenever I am sick.

I'm sure there are plenty more unsavory things about me that you'll discover as my roommate, whoever you may be. But now you all know just what you are getting into, so when you want to move out because I Googled about whether the White Witch was actually in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader book or if it was just artistic license from the movie director, I will remind you that I warned you about that and you knew what you agreed to.

P.S. The White Witch does not reappear in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, that's all just Hollywood.

3 Ways to Improve Your Life (According to Me)

It always seems that when I reach a rut in my life, I turn to this blog to vocalize what I am feeling. I would prefer it if I came here when my life was going great, which is something I am going to try and do today.

I am easily discouraged, it's something that I'm trying to move past, but it's also something very hard to train yourself out when you seem to be a professional at being discouraged. I get discouraged after one week of eating right and exercising and seeing that nothing's changed. I get discouraged when I write for ten minutes and I'm not a published author. I get discouraged when a graphic design project doesn't pan out as beautifully as I envisioned it. And so many other things it would be a waste of yours and my time to list them all. The gist of it: I get discouraged very very easily.

I took a brief evaluation of myself and realized that this is a quality that I want to train myself out of. I want to remove discouragement from the equation, and replace it with discipline, self-love, and positive stimulants.

I'm still figuring it all out, the gym and I are still bitter enemies, but here is a list of things that have worked for me.

///She Reads Truth///

Credit

Being highly religious, I've been looking for something to stimulate my spirituality. Something that has helped me drastically is an app I found called She Reads Truth. Turns out it's more than just an app, but a worldwide women's reading group. It started as a small internet reading group that exploded to a community dedicated to Jesus, reading the Bible, and empower women to be the best versions of themselves. The app includes a Bible with multiple translation options to satisfy multiple denominations of Christian women. It also includes a plethora of reading plans. Each plan revolves around a theme or a book in the Bible and goes for about 10 to 35 days. It includes assigned scripture reading, and then a small devotional written by a team of content creators on the She Reads Truth team.

But they are so much more than just a reading group. They include a small section with inspiring Christian music (FYI: it's not free, sorry guys), a section with FREE wallpapers for your phone, and let me tell you, they are gorgeous. My graphic designer heart has a heart attack every time a new wallpaper comes out, which is like every other week, I swear. 

The best part, they have a 365-day Bible Reading Challenge. I have never read the Bible word for word but I have been trying my darndest to do it with the help of She Reads Truth. The app gives you a reading assignment for each day and then lets you check it off when you finish it, and it keeps a percentage of how far you are. It's not in order from cover to cover so I've been bouncing from book to books in the Bible and it's so exciting. I love reading my personal paperback scriptures along with the app to read comparisons of translations and catching the constant light of Christ in both translations. No matter what translation you read, if you search for Christ, you will find Him.

I'm not caught up on She Reads Truth, but I love that I have something that I can turn to at any time to remind me that I am a daughter of God.

/// Pamper Yourself ///

When I get discouraged over something that I have done, I tend to lock away anything that would make me feel better away. I don't read, I don't write no video games, nothing that would inspire me to feel better. I simmer in my own diminished emotions and don't take care of myself. I would wake up in the morning, throw my two-day-old hair into a sagging ponytail, throw on a random shirt with a random pair of jeans and shuffle out the door for the day, still feeling sorry for myself.

I've realized that this behavior encourages self-pity, laziness and a rather stationary sense of being. When the going gets tough, you just bow your head and stumble on feeling sorry for yourself? No! Absolutely no.

I had had a pretty crummy day once at work, that's normal, but I had made some mistakes that had really bothered me, because I don't like to make mistakes. Nobody does. When I got home, I pondered on stepping into my old routine of eating junk food and feeling bad while watching an unhealthy amount of YouTube videos. I looked at myself and saw how pathetic I was and chose to do something.

I didn't allow myself to feel bad by making myself feel good. I took a hot shower and used my favourite shampoo, I played only my best music and when I got out I took the time to prep my hair for the morning. I painted my nails, read my scriptures, and then woke up in the morning feeling 110% better. I donned on my best red lipstick and stepped out my door feeling confident that I was going to be okay, and that today was a new day.

So the more defining moral of the story is that I had a change of perspective, a change of attitude. But I also believe that pampering yourself makes you feel something good about yourself. If you take the time to comb your hair, do your nails, clean your skin, it shows you care enough about yourself to do those things, and in the end your body responds quite positively. I think the result of your attitude will always be better after a hot shower and a good manicure.

///Journaling///

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a collector of journals and love journaling. I have a hidden away shelf in my closet that is filled to the brim with notebooks. Some are filled with scribbles, notes, and stories, others have never been cracked open yet. I decided that I should put a use to some of those blank notebooks.

I have a major fear of desecrating the 'blank page'. What if I ruin what was once beautiful? It was a constant fear of mine. But here is the really obvious fact: no one else will see this page as long as you don't want them to. Do whatever you gosh darn feel like. So I have been.

I now carry a journal with me everywhere I go. It goes with me to work, to school, to the gym, in the car, literally everywhere. It's become a constant mini-counselor. If I feel frustrated, discouraged, or a bit hopeless, I open a blank page and begin to fill it with something. It could be a sketch, it could be a legitimate journal entry where I pour out my thoughts and feelings, it could just be a list of things I want to do. I haven't filled a journal this fast since I was in elementary school. It's magical to look back at my previous pages and feel a sense of joy and pride. I've written some of the best poetry in that journal, sketched out concept art for my graphic design work, and have also planned what will one day become the Ultimate Marvel Movie Marathon. There is literally everything in the journal. It's unbelievable how much I've come to depend on something entirely made of paper and ink. 

To add, I just recently started a bullet journal as well, which has helped immensely in keeping my mind from going insane. I have compiled all of the things that I want to accomplish and keep track of it so easily. Bullet journals can be as hard or as easy as you want them to be, and I'm still experimenting on how I want mine's to pan out, but I'm already a fan of how it's going. 

//Conclusion//

It's so easy to let the rough patches in our life drag us down, and I'm a sucker for them. But I'm learning slowly how to cope, manage and control my life so that I don't feel like I'm drowning. I'm now going to be experimenting to see if blogging weekly helps. XD Pray for me that I can actually write another post next week. Please...

Joy Amidst Fear

It has been so long since I last felt the urge to write like this. The last posts I have written have been jammed into the last ten minutes of class before I head off to work, they are usually squeezed out of my brain and dribbled onto the screen with very little inspiration fueling the work.

Tonight is different.

I'm dressed in my PJs with my oversized green headphones on to block out any nightly noises except for the relaxing sound of my fingers typing on the keyboard. There is a single lamp on in my room and the rest of my house is in darkness. Everyone is asleep. I am the only one awake and my mind is whirring with excitement, joy and the fuel of inspiration. There is no time for sleep when words must be written.

I spent this beautiful Sunday morning watching YouTube. It is a habit that I spend my Sunday mornings catching up on the virtual world. I immerse myself with real people and I spend ten or so minutes with them, seeing their life. Some would see this as a waste of time, but I constantly find it to be a blessing. When I see a YouTuber stepping outside of their front door and living, it makes me want to live. It makes me want to change things in my life so that I can do the same things as them. It led me to tearing my room apart and reorganizing it. It led me to clearing and throwing away all of the useless knick-knacks and it led me to returning my room from a tornado recovery victim to a haven for inspiration.

There are so many things to be happy about, even amidst these hard times. My future is entirely uncertain, my body is entirely out of shape, and my job is entirely stressful, but I found that today I had never felt happier. I felt happy to be able to spend the day worshiping my Lord and Savior. I felt happy meeting a complete stranger at church and feeling like I was the most valuable person in the world when I talked to her. I feel happy right now, here in my bedroom, surrounded by my haven of books. I feel happy to know that tomorrow is the start of a brand new week and that each day is an opportunity and a brand new start.

I feel so happy to know that I have a Lord and Saviour who died for me so that I could feel right now this joy. I've never felt so much anxiety for the future, but I've also never so at peace about it at the same time. I have faith that as long as I align my goals with Christ, there will be no need to fear for the future. I receive so much comfort from this. Some people may seem it to be foolish to place so much faith in a being that is so physically absent, but without it, I would be a mess. I'm happier being the fool than losing myself to the pains and fears of the world.

Whether you believe in God, in Krishna, Buddha or in no spiritual being at all, I hope that you can find the peace that you seek at this time. Hold to the small things in life that inspire you to find joy. Relish in the small and simple things in life and take it one day at a time. Times are hard and it's possible that they may continue to spiral downwards, but that gives us no reason to stand down or to give up. We alone have the strength and ability to press onward, we alone have the ability to let hope and faith guide us or leave it by the wayside. Will you choose to give up or stand up?

2017: Unregrettable #CGforever

I look back on 2016 with many regrets.

I regret that I didn't brush and floss my teeth every day, I regret that I didn't go to the gym (like, ever), I regret staying up late. The list could go on for a painfully long time.

Needless to say, there are hundreds upon hundreds of things I would love to change and improve upon and alter in this new year. 2017 sounds weird in my mouth, it sounds unfamiliar and a bit fuzzy and vague. 2016, I felt excited about 2016, but I've been humbled a lot and now I look at the future with numb apprehension. What if this is another year of mistakes and regrets? What if 2017 is going to be even more painful?

I am entirely inexperienced when it comes to dealing with losing a loved one. Both of my grandparents are alive, as are all of my aunts and uncles. Death is a bit of an obscurity to me. I'm not saying I haven't dealt with the sadness of losing someone, but I have not been felt the true grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one.

But on June 10th of 2016, I've never felt more grief in my entire life, all completely for someone I have never even met.

Christina Grimmie was born in New Jersey in March of 1994. She is the second of two children. I know nothing about her childhood, only that she loved her family, her two best friends, Jesus, video games, and music. She was incredibly talented with music and it's what some would call a gift. On July 19th, 2009, Christina Grimmie posted her first YouTube video under the channel name of zeldaxlove64. She sang "Don't Wanna Be Torn" by Hannah Montana with a Sonic the Hedgehog poster in the background. This gives a small idea of the kind of person Christina was. Fast Forward a few years, and Christina Grimmie had formed a faithfully loyal following, christened Team Grimmie. I discovered her in 2011, with the release of her EP "Find Me," and like how every fan will begin their tale, "I was drawn to her instantly."

Christina currently has 227 videos and 3,829,606 subscribers. She competed in the sixth season of The Voice and placed in third. She has toured with Selena Gomez, collaborated with multiple artists, released two EPS and one album, and debuted in 2016's film, The Matchbreaker. She made a name for herself and become an inspiration to young adults and teenagers across the globe.

Christina Grimmie became somewhat of an obsession for me. I religiously watched her videos from then on and supported her in her endeavors. There was no other artist out there that I had related to so deeply. She was a devout Christian, and a firm believer in Christ, but she was also a total nerd. Her favourite video game  was Zelda and her favourite movie was Lord of the Rings. How could I not love this girl? Being only a few years older than me, I clung onto her like an online older sister. I styled her hair like her, I bought bright neon green headphones just like hers (I'm on my third pair right now) and I memorized every word to her Above All That Is Random songs.

She treated her fans like family, we had a hand sign (\l/ Rawwk fingers \I/), and Christina never called us fans, but frands. We were her fan friends. She never seemed to be down and her music, whether it was original or a cover, filled my soul with something so joyous and uplifting. I felt like I knew her even when I knew nothing about her. I had made a goal to meet her one day, to see her sing live on stage and sing her songs with her and I had dreamed to tell her just how much she inspired me to be the person I am.

You can already tell this story is not going to end well.

On June 10th of 2016, Christina Grimmie was shot and killed after a live show. She was meeting her fans when the shooter faced her and shot her. The shooter was seized by her brother, Mark, before anyone else was hurt, but for Christina, it was too late.

For a moment, my life crumbled when I heard the news. How could someone who was so pure, so inspiring, so good be given this destiny? Why, after all of the hard work she has done, after all of the good and wonderful accomplishments did it have to end like this? How was this fair, when she was so young? How was it okay to say goodbye to someone who was such an example to me.

Her death has haunted me for the past seven months. I still am seized with an incomprehensible sense of sadness that I can't control whenever I see her or hear her voice. She never met me and I never met her, but somehow her life was branded onto my soul and I won't ever forget her. Her songs are her legacy, and they sound so different to me, they mean something different now that she is gone.

A lot of terrible things happened in 2016 following and preceding Christina's death; many tragic things. Most did not happen to me directly, but it does not mean it did not affect me, or the world for that matter. I think we can all say that looking at 2016, we won't miss it too much. We won't miss all of the death, the tragedies, the lack of empathy, the politics, the contention and war. There is so much more to come, I know, but I hope that it comes a bit more gracefully from now on.

With Christina's passing, the concept of time and just how short our lives can be has plagued my nightmares. How much time do I have left on this world? And am I spending it wisely?

It's possible that Christina may have had some regrets, but I believe that it is more likely that she would say that her life was unregrettable. She fulfilled a dream of inspiring people while never lowering her standards or defacing her Christ and Savior. She created music and with that came her virtual inernet family. She even fell in love. She touched millions of lives, traveled the world, and had an amazing family. For someone so young, she still did so much, and had so little to be regretful of.

 For 2017, and possibly for my life I've made it a goal to make every day unregrettable. It's sort of like making every day unforgettable, but just with a bit more heart behind it, at least for me. I don't want my life to be cut short and realize that I didn't do anything to make a difference for myself or for others. I don't want my life story to be Kenra: the girl who started, but never finished. I want it to be Kenra: the girl with no regrets because she didn't stop trying.

2017 is going to be less about goals (although I do have them) and more about action, more about just going out and doing. Rather than thinking positively, act positively. It's turning dreams into reality. It's conquering the barricades that are in my way. It's living fearlessly and courageously. If Christina Grimmie could die with no regrets, I can certainly live with no regrets.

I dedicate 2017 to Christina and her legacy and I hold onto her values and her music to step towards the future. To her family and closely loved ones, I pray for you every day, and I love you for helping Christina to be the person she is, especially all of the Grimmie family. I know that Christina is in a much greater place now and where she is there is no pain, no tragedy or sorrow. She is ascended to a much more loving place, a paradise where her music can shake the heavenly rafters. I'm pretty sure that she is doing much better than everyone here on this world combined. She is with her Savior, where her heart has always been. You Rawwk Christina, I may not have met you in this life, but I know I will in the next.

And 2017, I'm ready for you, whatever may come, I don't plan to regret it.

Photo: christinagrimmie.com

To learn more about Christina check out her website and her channel.